Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML
Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML
Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML
Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
The down side of getting a seat in a crowded train. Next time, bring a chain saw. You'd be surprised how much personal space people will give you, crowded train or not.
drizzt6895 0
Did you say "thank you sir may i have another"?
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Comments (47)
Jonkbaby 23
times like these it's best to turn the other cheek..
Zombies_eat_Nath 0
lol boners
Ikz_Hustler 9
Eww twice as well i would've kicked the guys ass the first time :D
insanesna1l 0
and risk an explosion?? ARE YOU CRAZY???
AnagenisisZagus 13
That is why you must always go places with a cork handy. Shove it up their ass! Unless it's one of those rare Megafart types. Might not want to do that unless you are prepared for a cork to shoot out at your face.
smokindagoo 0
I would punch him square in the balloon knot. And thats after the first one.
funktown 2
Wow! some ppl in here need to learn how to make jokes!
evildeadfan420 0
Fart on me once shame on you! Fart on me twice....
EatnBeef 7
boners is one funny son bitch I'll tell ya what haha. never seizes to make me laugh
africanelephants 7
Mmmm so what did it taste like?
dwkiely 0
you deserve it for being cocky haha