Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML
Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded, "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded, "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML
Today, I came out to my parents. They laughed in my face. FML
Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with, "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML
Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML
Today, I went out with my parents and a family friend. After saying goodbye to the friend and as soon as the elevator doors shut, my parents started trash-talking the friend's looks, stature, choice of clothes, etc. Now I understand a lot about my education growing up. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML
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Top comments
Teyros 24
Bring your friends over and show him up!
XxDevilxXGt 26
OP would be a bit late on the comeback though, just sayin'. :P Later that day: OP:"By the way dad, you can't even pretend because you KNOW you don't have friends!" Dad: "Honey, you probably had to browse the internet to come up with that." OP: *runs away to post another FML*
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Comments (81)
Teyros 24
Bring your friends over and show him up!
MrSassypants 34
"How much did you pay your "friends" to come over, Mary?"
EpicSquishii 21
15- The scene in Family Guy where Meg has a picnic with her dead "boyfriend" in the woods comes to mind lol
banana527 12
Or just text urself from ur fone. It beeps as if u got a message, but it just sends ur txt back to u. Change your contact name in ur fone Johnny❤ and then it looks like ur not a loser...... Don't ask me how I no this........
RaggleFrock 13
41- that's a lot of effort. Get a real boyfriend.
DocBastard 40
Banana527, I put your comment through my Idiot-English Translation Engine, but it overloaded and exploded. So now I have to ******* repair it. Again. Thanks ever so much. Maybe next time try using an actual language when you post a comment.
Axipiter 24
Oh 41, you're so naïve it's almost adorable. You must be new here, so I'll go easy. Learn the English language. Use it. You're welcome. Don't just txt evry1 lik ur txting ur buddies. Shit don't work that way 'round here.
Jovecove 13
Mary had a little lamb
ICastillo 25
It's fleece was white as snow
superminty 18
Unfortunately enough, God forbid someone express themselves using spelling separate from the accepted form.
mohamm11 4
Can't see 41's comment! Was it reported?
Spyingcheeseman 8
So if you had sex with a hot guy he wouldn't believe you? NOWS YOUR CHANCE!
rikitsumiatsu 11
Tell him at least you pretend to have friends he just knows he has none and can't even pretend.
XxDevilxXGt 26
OP would be a bit late on the comeback though, just sayin'. :P Later that day: OP:"By the way dad, you can't even pretend because you KNOW you don't have friends!" Dad: "Honey, you probably had to browse the internet to come up with that." OP: *runs away to post another FML*
TheManager 6
Your dad is awesome. Only the boring dads refrain from making fun of their kids.
MrSassypants 34
I know, right? My dad called me fat, punched me in the face, set me on fire, then threw me out the window saying "fly fatty! Fly!" Ah.... good times, good times...
TheManager 6
Oh, you!
Axipiter 24
Gimpy!?
theannonymousone 0
23, I still hate you for landing on me.
accioshannon 17
Most dads are like that, aren't they?
ShannyAK 16
Ignore your dad! Have a good time op!
JenkJenks 6
Or laugh with your dad since it was a joke and you need to be able to take little shots like that. Don't be so sensitive.
NotGabe 28
At least he doesn't think that you're going out to impregnate a girl. Every. Single. Time. I can't even buy Pokemon without him thinking that.
ohcheriecherie 20
I think....OP is female... I mean, the name is Mary, and assuming she's biologically female...
poccocurantes 7
Maybe he's a Hobbit.
dalink 24
I think notgabe was referring to himself.
eyesmile27 7
So my parents aren't the only ones who do that!
dmoran20 27
If you tell them you are going out to buy Pokemon cards then I promise you they really do hope you are out impregnating some one ;-)
denden_mushi 11
Were you actually pretending? It's okay to say it, we're all friends here.....
TheAbstract 15
Just not with Mary.
mangoboy1 19
Your dad is a dick
VannahJane 17
Nah he's just a funny guy
RoperGirl203 9
8, you're a dick. Lol
lucyy123 14
That is just sad
AssTard 15
That's kind of the reason they posted it here.
GypsyBones 7
Tough love. If you were bluffing then hopefully that was a nice kick in the ass to get out there and make some friends. If ya weren't, well, that's dads for you.
Nicole1225 14
Well, DO you have a social life?
cheertrombonist 9
she must have a social life, or else this wouldn't have been an FML
cheertrombonist 9
....nevermind sorry FML community