Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML
Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML
Where is it?
Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML
Old dog, new tricks
Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML
Who do you take me for?
Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML
The cheek!
Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML
Lock him up
Today, I visited a friend’s house. He has a vast collection of Cartier bracelets. Being strapped for cash and starving, I stole one of them when he wasn’t looking, thinking he wouldn’t notice one missing. I went to pawn the bracelet. It’s fake. Rent’s due tomorrow. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML
Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML
Top comments
PlaiPie 11
The moral of this story is: Never buy gifts for people
Sir_ND_Pity 35
You must have been high on something to think that that would work out. ...wait.
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Comments (218)
PlaiPie 11
The moral of this story is: Never buy gifts for people
lamdat5r 10
True story.
ThePsyche 9
Could just give her the pot for Christmas.
ThePsyche 9
Could just give her the pot for Christmas.
Darkmagic666 9
Or find a better place to hide the pot
NeatNit 33
I actually experienced a much more interesting moral. "Today, I hid my weed stash..." heh, he probably got a ton of YDIs for that *look down* yep *keep reading* Oh. Well, you deserve that one!
MDTeddy 13
Nobody said it had to be an expensive gift. Just buy anything.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
On the sixth day of Christmas I received some jewelry while.. 6 police sirens, 5 hounds barking, 4 strange illusions, 3 cops unwrapping, 2 parents screaming and my high sister with some weed. No? I crawl back into my cave.
imavelociraptor 6
Or... Don't smoke pot?
lilhellian 27
But like thats the man controlling you #91! *eats more cheetohs*
Hydromicide 6
Seems like the moral is don't be a ****** loser and smoke pot. Do something with your life.
quontag 15
You could buy from the cheap shop next door and say they ran out of bags and they used ones from the jewelry store. That happened to my father. The grocery store ran out of bags so they used a victoria's secret bag.
thefella 10
96 - or according to your profile "titty tamer", where in the fml did it say that OP was doing nothing with her life?
X_Codes 11
@55 - A discount clothing store shopping bag would be better. If I had to choose whether to snoop a K-Mart bag or a Victoria's Secret bag...
phatdaddy62 23
Hey 96, I'm a successful attorney. And guess what? I smoke pot!
Codezlol 21
Yeah 96 needs to learn the difference between "stoner" and "smoker", anyone with half a brain will know what I'm talking about.
NeatNit 33
haha, half a brain... I see what you did there... :)
capper44 18
#96 bubble buster ' i am an Engineer and an Env. Professional h&s inspector' but i still smoke *0#. In short stop judging people fish....
fugger973 5
96 you are a ******* moron. 90% of the most successful people ever to live used to do way harder drugs than pot. let me just start with one: steve jobs was on acid during most of the early stages of apple
doctorhook86 25
176: You are a ******* moron. 90% of statistics are bullshit. Let me just start with one: even if most successful people have used hard drugs, that doesn't mean most people who use hard drugs are successful. So what's your point?
bfsd42 20
186, pot is not a hard drug.
fugger973 5
i never said it was a hard drug. thats why i said they do way harder drugs. and i was just giving straight facts from the life of a very successful billionaire. also never said that every person who does drugs is successful. read before you try ro argue
fugger973 5
and my point was that just because op smokes pot does not mean that they are a loser who is doing nothing with their life.
mbpoland 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Karma is a bitch isn't it? Pothead.
siranthony87 5
Not cool. You must be a good person or something.
QWERTYrage 3
Yeah, you should get punished for having herbs in a bag. She's a criminal alright.
Charmillionaire 13
2 - This isn't karma. It's being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
QWERTYrage 3
Understandable, because she broke the law, but I see criminals as people who rob, steal, kill, and so forth. Her "crime" is victimless, therefore, I don't think she's a criminal.
kevsandy303 12
OP is the victim of her own crime of being a pothead. And a number of things could go wrong while she's high that could result in victimizing someone else.
charvisioku 22
57: More things could go wrong which end up victimising someone else if OP got drunk. You lose a lot more control under the influence of alcohol than you do when you're high. Just because it's illegal doesn't mean it's inherently and undeniably wrong. Homosexuality was illegal at one point. So was alcohol for that matter. The law does not dictate universal morality.
Sputnikspak 13
I have heard cops and ambulance technicians alike say that they would vastly prefer to deal with someone who is high on pot than someone who is drunk - even behind the wheel of a car. Way more people are killed by drunk drivers than drivers who smoke pot. Other drugs? That could be worse than being drunk. But I know a pothead who just graduated from Honours Chemistry at one of the most prestigious universities in the country, with the highest marks in her class. Seriously? You have to smoke a LOT of pot for it to mess with you that much.
Clioo_fml 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
45- what you see as criminal doesn't matter... if you break the law, you're branded a criminal.
caesari 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I don't get that argument. If people are killed by potheads, but in less number than drunkards, then that is acceptable? Why not make the roads as safe as possible?
SenselessPattern 12
I'm gonna point out only one thing that everybody who compares being to high to being on other stuff always leaves out: it's still has harmful effects on others. Just because ambulance drivers, cops, House, whoever says they'd rather deal with high people than drunks, I'm sure as hell they would love to have deal with neither of them. It's basically asking them to pick their poison; doesn't mean it makes it 'harmless' just because it's slightly better than being drunk. Just like being inebriated, I don't see a problem with it when people do it at their house, or if they have a designated driver, like when you'd go out for a drink.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
116, well of course driving under the influence of any inebriating substance should be illegal, because that's dangerous to innocent people on the roads. That's not the point; the point was comparing alcohol and marijuana to show how the law isn't really logical.
boundbytheanimus 9
You've never smoke weed, have you?
boundbytheanimus 9
You've never smoke weed, have you?
gmc_blossom 21
I'm not going to lie, but every time someone said "pothead" I saw it as "potterhead" at first. Just me? Yes? Okay.
etchsanity1 11
128/129 you should probably pretend you don't smoke "you've never smoke" isn't winning the pot argument any points. That said I don't smoke but many of my friends do its just the modern prohibition, several places are working at legalizing it worldwide
OmerSuper 10
just make sure that bitch is beautiful
mcrptv 17
You're picture is green day billie joe sold drugs he took pot and his band is named after a drug taking meet up (he is still totally awesome though)
Church_Vii 4
A jewelry bag in an open area? You couldn't have hid it in a place that's not in plain sight?
TheDrifter 24
Or in a bag that won't draw immediate attention when people see it?
johnnyrogers97 9
Because he's a pothead
MrClean17 15
If your stash can be found you're doing something wrong
omg36 7
Hide that shit better!! In something inconspicuous and smell proof
Sir_ND_Pity 35
You must have been high on something to think that that would work out. ...wait.
Sir_ND_Pity 35
You must have been high on something to think that that would work out. ...wait.
Sir_ND_Pity 35
Gahhhh, so many repeats >_< sorry!
GothickNihilist 15
Your username is very fitting OP.
MrClean17 15
I think a junkie would have a bigger stash. Those bags are pretty small
lukemack 4
Ydi don't do drugs
florido_fml 10
We all do drugs
lilhellian 27
Every pill you take is a drug. Every cough syrup is a drug.
CodeXana 9
Not to mention every coffee and soda you drink
Felling 14
Yeah, I highly doubt you don't drink or smoke at least.
WeAreAHurricane 14
I think it's a little sad that the commenter is getting thumbed down for telling people not to do drugs. He's giving out a good message.
lilhellian 27
We proved him wrong.. His messege says cancer patiants shouldn't get chemo or medicinal marijuana (pain relief)....
ALlamaOnFire 20
Don't do illegal drugs, that aren't prescribed by a doctor. Why is he getting thumbed down? I guess some stoners think that what they do is fine.
guitarbeast 22
It is fine unless you're driving under the influence, in a room full of children and also unfortunately it's not fine in the eyes of the law (in most places)
s7evin 12
@99 fyi: there are plenty of people who don't drink or smoke! I hate it when people like you just assume "everybody does it at least once". I personally never have & never will! Think before you say something stupid.
lukemack 4
Smoking and drinking aren't illegal don't give me that bullshit excuse
arrowintheknee 5
Smoking and drinking kill more people than cannabis and ruin more lives. Still there choice to do it so don't think you have the right to tell people what to do they can make their own minds up about drugs without feeling like there evil and failures when most are the complete opposite. And its legal in Belgium.
SoSickWithIt 14
So because the government says something is illegal, that makes the people who partake in tetrahydrocannabinol usage makes them; 1.) immoral 2.) a druggy 3.) an inferior person Step back a second and research what value THC has, then say that. I don't believe anyone who has actual knowledge of its effects both positive/negative can say that. And a little other thing most commonly known as censorship, the government doesn't want THC to be legal, because how else would the characterize the massive amounts of funding for the programs that go to the different 'agencies' that try and eradicate the plant. It's a plant ffs. Has anyone ever smoked a jay, and gone home and beat the hell out of their spouse? Negative. If anything, the only negative aspect of the drug, is when smoked, the actual smoke is harmful, not the drug. Yet, it's not addictive, but billions of dollars are spent in ads throughout the world that's associated with cancer, tobacco, and its addictive ingredient - nicotine. Yet, why isn't someone who smokes a cigarette incarcerated for being a druggy? Because its all what people have been told and spoon fed to believe, and the problem is people actually think they're getting facts. It's untrue, very untrue.
lukemack 4
To 196- no offence your an idiot weed has a lot of bad long term effects plus you are 5 times more likely to get cancer from it plus it is very addictive both my sisters are pot heads I can't even have a conversation with them because it just doesn't process. And I'm not saying alcohol or smokes are much better.
summerguy97 16
196, the coca tree is also a plant so a chemical that comes from it couldn't be harmful, huh? What about poppies? I'm pro cannabis, but you are making to big a generalization. For plants.
TheDrifter 24
No, you just need to put her present in that bag.
GothickNihilist 15
Your username is very fitting OP.
TheRealBruce 12
you're an idiot