Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML
Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting out, "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML
Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML
Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML
Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML
Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML
Today, I told my mom I wasn't doing very good mentally and I was looking for some support. She decided to remind me of all of the things I still haven't paid her back for. I'm now an unpaid loan, not her daughter. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML
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Top comments
toaster012 17
Wow. She's very cruel.
Keevarou 17
Looks like she is the one who deep throated a cactus, she's really stingy. But you should try and take it as high as you can and see If you can get the money back somehow, good luck OP and sorry to hear about how unlucky you are with family
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Comments (192)
Crofty92 17
And your wife is just fine with her l talking to you like that?
NagainaFier 16
Im going to HOPE that OP's SO (significant other) is not okay with that, but on the other hand, you never know, since we clearly got an inside look to how the SO was raised.
Crofty92 17
You can only imagine pretty badly based on evidence of her mother.
xcam1995 6
This is the part where u show up at ur house w/ a cactus. Knock on the door and when she answers, say "Ur turn".
rg350dx 29
"u show up to ur house"? And then she answers the door? I don't even.. What?
Wizardo 34
Pretend your Tony Soprano and send in a huge guy to collect the cash...
LaLince 40
His Tony Soprano?
theycallmekitty 13
She will probably need you for something some day and you can tell her the same thing.
dj041392 9
You deserve it don't lend your money to a ****
NagainaFier 16
Im guessing OP was vaguely hoping that maybe if he helped his mother in law out, it would help the relationship between the two of them. Or maybe OP is just one of those genuinely nice people who will help someone in need, even if they are a miserably old hag.
CrissyyyS2 22
This is where you hire Liam Neeson.
zombieslayer83 19
I prefer Chuck Norris. You don't **** with Chuck!
CrissyyyS2 22
But... How are you going to get a hold of Chuck Norris?
SystemofaBlink41 27
I have aquired a very particular set of skills... Skills that can make me shove a cactus down your throat.
chuckcloninger 12
Next time your husband wants to get "friendly" tell him your throats too sore from deep throating cactus to help him out any.
rawr_ily96 24
OP is a man. Chances are he is straight. The majority of men are.
adammeyer 4
Lmfao, what a dumbass
allliseee 8
well she is creative with words, do you have everything on paper.. the loan and when she would repay you?
Jharrist89 12
Most people never think of this ^^
HaraAishi 8
Usually for most people it isn't a problem but if I had a mother-in-law like that, I would put everything on paper.
martinfml 8
Wow, what an attitude. How much did you lend her anyway? Oh, and you shouldn't have waited for a whole year to pass.
chuckcloninger 12
She didn't become this person overnight. Why would you ever loan money to a person who is abusive to you? And since the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree I best her son, your husband, is a real winner himself. My advice would be to run from all of it. It is only going to get worse.
rawr_ily96 24
OP is a man, and most likely straight because the majority of men are.
cjgirl 15
Most men are straight? Really? Wow...