Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML
Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting out, "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML
Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML
Today, while out to lunch, my sister called me and asked me to pick her up from the mall. I told her she'd have to wait. She got pissed off and started cursing at me, so I hung up on her. She called me back 37 times until I answered and yelled "WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" It was my boss. FML
Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML
Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML
Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML
Today, I told my mom I wasn't doing very good mentally and I was looking for some support. She decided to remind me of all of the things I still haven't paid her back for. I'm now an unpaid loan, not her daughter. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML
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Top comments
toaster012 17
Wow. She's very cruel.
Keevarou 17
Looks like she is the one who deep throated a cactus, she's really stingy. But you should try and take it as high as you can and see If you can get the money back somehow, good luck OP and sorry to hear about how unlucky you are with family
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Comments (192)
septembers_over_fml 3
Send tough men to her door tony soprano style.
DaLiquer 20
1. Never loan her money. 2. Write the money off, you will probably never see the rest of it. 3. Stop calling her! 4. If she asks to borrow money again tell her to deep-throat her cars tailpipe while it's running! GL
liftthatchevy 7
Comeback; can't too busy deepthroating your man
Llamacod 11
For starters, if op was a female, why would op use that comeback as it would be op's father in law that op would be deepthroating. Secondly, since op is a man using that comeback is a stupid idea. Thirdly, and most importantly, that comeback sucks ass.
vbmg152 19
Don't ever lend money to family if you can't afford to lose it! Family rarely pays back money! It's been a whole year, just let it go & don't "loan" her anymore $$!
samcarroll 9
She sounds like sweetheart.. Aren't you lucky to have such a caring mother in law. LMAO
SystemofaBlink41 27
She deserves a nice, warm toaster to the head...
skyeyez9 25
Or a toaster tossed into her bathwater.
Knightchaser27 25
She is just as sweet as Norman Bates' mother.
venom2421 10
Go deep throat a cactus will now be my most used comeback.
hewro_failure 11
Wow time to cut her out of the family... I'm curious now as to how much cash it was
SmiffLah 13
So is that a "no" then?
gators1995 30
Mother-in-laws are douchebags and good luck getting the money back.
PhishloverA 14
She sounds classy