Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got lost in a car park, late at night, unable to find my car. I started panicking, so I called my dad. I sat down to catch my breath. After about 2 minutes, I heard a noise. I looked up to see a guy jerking off while watching me. He smiled, so I instinctively threw my backpack at his junk and he ran off. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML
Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
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Top comments
drayloon 50
He'd likely get arrested and charged with indecent exposure. What else would he expect?
Scorpio1691 29
i would actually have dared him to do it
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Comments (59)
Scorpio1691 29
i would actually have dared him to do it
drayloon 50
Idk man, I wouldn't be too keen to see my dad's babymaker
captain_hero89 22
no one said op had to watch
vikky538 29
I would youtube that for sure!
Chumanuma 8
Why is this an fml?! Your dad lives on the razor edge of life. I wish he was one of my boiz
EwahWeeWah 21
Dont let his dreams be dreams, encourage him to do it, fulfill his dreams!
Niz_DD 14
Just DO IT!!!
socialproduct 19
I think I might have saw a guy "fulfilling his dreams" at the city bus stop the other day.
mr_dour 16
"Cmon Pops, yesterday you said 'tomorrow' ".
drayloon 50
He'd likely get arrested and charged with indecent exposure. What else would he expect?
MrSassypants 34
Everyone to join in. It's a flashing flash mob.
Lizza330 28
He could also possibly be labeled a sexual predator if there's children around.
coolbeans26 12
Actually #18 it doesn't matter if children are around (at least in ct) if it's in public u can be labeled a sex offender. Including peeing in the woods and wardrobe malfunctions.
grimtrigger 9
You guys are fun at parties aren't you :p
PurpleMyth 28
Wardrobe malfunctions seem a bit extreme. You can be listed as a sex offender for an accident? That's just a bad system.
Jer706 5
Yeah cause not wanting others to ********** in public makes us party poopers..
grimtrigger 9
it's called having a sense of humor. you should really try to find one. they really are quite nice to have.
nicolai44 12
36 - I totally get what you're saying, but I can also see that being included in the law to give officers a means to deal with people having not-so-accidental "accidents". I would imagine -- or at least hope -- that officers would have the leeway to use their discretion on legitimate accidents.
burgermike92 17
Your dad's ballsy. Pun totally intended.
OtakuTaco 15
Your dad is an amazing human being.
sweetbliss3 37
how so? by being a creep?
OtakuTaco 15
I was making a joke, akin to calling him a magnificent bastard or something similar. Of course I don't actually condone his intentions but in theory it's almost majestic in an ironic sense.
TMO2142 25
Your dad has balls to do that.
dhiran_singh 16
Ball out, bro!
jamieblue6 16
Lmao when midlife crisis hits your dad xD
socialproduct 19
I expect that I'll do some pretty ridiculous things when I have my midlife crisis. Whipping it out in public probably won't be one of them. I guess time will tell...
BlasterPrime 11
wouldn't be surprised if you do that sometime too personality often is passed down from parent to child.
ABlindMan 17
Yep definitely, that's why Op almost had a mini heart attack when their father mentioned it. That's a clearly significant indicator that OP does that all the time in their free time.
moocowmilk0 19
He really dosent give a damn anymore dosent he