Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML
Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML
Today, my girlfriends and I got a caricature painting while on a trip in the city. Unfortunately for me, the part of my appearance that the artist decided to exaggerate was my acne. FML
Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML
Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML
Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML
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Top comments
aruam365 24
why the hell would you let anyone near your penis with a sharpie??
gojira666 7
So what...itll cum off eventually
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Comments (253)
suckmineplz 0
first. and that's hilarious
Keyman1212 14
You're a jackass.
tona01 16
Let's thread jack and say i find OP's name hilarious
aruam365 24
why the hell would you let anyone near your penis with a sharpie??
tona01 16
Roll playing maybe, a weird fetish where OP's girlfriend likes to lick faces?
LiveLaughFML 10
this reminds me of those commercials where someone's at a party, they fall asleep and the people at the party take advantage of them by drawing on their faces and stuff, lol! 8D
CH1CKEN_FL1PPEN 4
He could have been sleeping when she did it.
glitterpoop 0
I think it sounded like a good idea at the time.
gojira666 7
So what...itll cum off eventually
Keyman1212 14
This sounds suspiciously like that one scene from Dinner for Shmucks.
glitterpoop 0
65- Was that a pun? If it was, good job.
flockz 20
ya it will definetly cum off after he rubs it for 30 minutes. i bet he's ready to explode!! you know cuz he's angry...
FUUUandyourmom 16
I see what you ******* did there.
ohcanaduh 0
cum joke ruined^
FUUUandyourmom 16
I was referring to 70's picture..
italianbby 11
Haha OP's name.. :)
McGherkin 0
If you wanted a circumcision you might let someone with a sharpie near your ****. I don't see why anyone would want to draw a face on a **** though :/
silvercamaro 22
60- or they were wasted
weewee1 0
Geez why are you freaking out it's not like anyones gonna see it
KiddNYC1O 22
Flockz's comment was actually fair...
False_Stupidity 42
Only the OP's girlfriend and him will see this though, At least he wasn't duct taped to the ceiling and painted like a clown :)
coderedz 0
Just have her suck it off ;-)
radicaljerk 0
Hey:D
burninnapalm 5
Oui oui! Pee Pee!
saritaojeda 0
Lame
WeemanIsBack 3
Now it's time to turn her tongue and lips black!
Christianrules 1
Because he is a guy
cacheson 42
Baby oil will do the trick.
Awahso 25
Fancy.
takanuva0123 0
That's classy!
tsim_fml 0
You can just ********** with soap... works perfectly well
tsim_fml 0
You can just ********** with soap... works perfectly well
fmlsaves 0
Not a major loss assuming she lets pierre visit her throat.
NeatNit 33
The incorrect English in this OP is REALLY bugging me.
Nikkitaria 9
A face is never complete without a moustache!
PolarBoy 9
I feel so incomplete T_T Daaamn you, sucky hair growth!
BellaBelle_fml 23
Freddie Mercury's moustache=EPIC!
Dr_Jalepenos 0
Just apply soap and ********** really really fast!
CaptainPickles72 18
Not to fast though! Pierre throws up on fast rides. D:
43trauts 14
^ I see what you did there
FarSide 23
@4: That explains your fugly girlfriend.
morgan69_fml 0
Oooh lala.
NoahStaz 3
I find it... Kinky?
frankq555 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So UR dick big for the fact she can put a face on it
Iknoweverything 29
Can we try that again in English please?
jizzwold 21
I second that.
glitterpoop 0
I think I can translate that... Your dick is so big that your girlfriend can put a face on it.
docscientist 10
People can draw faces on pinkies, so I don't know wtf 6 is talking about.
xDMACx12 7
So your face is big for the fact that she can put a dick on it?
rebekahah 7
Dude, they make fine tip sharpies. :P
bizarre_ftw 22
104 - more like in......
legendboy 0
Hahahahahahhaha nice one
InvaderAmi 4
The **** did I just try to comprehend?
tjamurphy 5
She could have been much more imaginative than drawing a french man, count yourself lucky!
FarSide 23
With your hairy pubes, it already looked like a terrorist.
PolarBoy 9
You're girlfriend, my dear sir, is awesome! Or should I say: Ta copine, mon cher monsieur, est impressionnant!
crabbyabby718 0
Tu n'est pas intelligent.
PolarBoy 9
Je ne suis pas français. Google Translate est mon ami!;D
jizzwold 21
Translation: your companion/significant other, something about dear man, is impressive. The other guy then said you were intelligent. I'm so smart at French I think.
PolarBoy 9
Actually, I said "Your companion, my (mon) dear (cher) sir (monsieur),[...]" But I did make a mistake when I translated #14's comment :) I beg you pardoooon ;D
TheLastChild 8
Ta copine, mon cher monsieur, est géniale. Would be the correct format, I believe :) so you almost had it!
DonovanRiddick 6
Copine is friend, wouldnt you say it differently..?
TheLastChild 8
Actually "petite copine" would indicate a significant other. So yes.
PolarBoy 9
Why thank you, dear sir! Another learning moment, right here! Delightful^^
Sgt_Minty 0
Je ne sais pas parle e comprehend la Francais...Canadian French :)
hockeydominatorc 0
Oui
airforce987 20
Yo hablo español....
airforce987 20
und deutsch...
Lepetitpouce 0
We used to say "petite copine" but now "copine" works as well. We say "amie" for friend.
abewho21 3
Umm what lol yo no se lo que están hablando =( pero me sale chistoso gracias por haciendo me reír un poco =)
SoBeRoNeR 0
ajdjr skcurneu kahxhebdi!translate that frenchies;)
MerrikBarbarian 9
copine is formal French is it not? Amie is conversational. and auto correct really hates typing in French it seems...
theninjkaymarie 0
No he said she isn't intelligent. The n' and pas make it negative.
Achan_fml 5
28 fails XD nice try though
tona01 16
110 yo tambien ich spreche deutsch und spanisch auch!!
minichamp116 8
what if she got ink in the piss hole????? how awesome would that be?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!
vbmg152 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Try alcohol seriously! It might burn but, it usually removes sharpie! I've used it on my hands!
yamatelle 19
Imagine if the alcohol gets in his penis hole...Oh dear God!!! I'm a woman and I can still feel that. Let me just say that this is not the best idea...
uffiewuffie 0
A penis is not a hand
Legendslayer222 26
Alcohol probably got him into this situation in the first place. :p
kylebeast11 0
Ur a ******* idiot alcohol?On ur penis?Wow u r a dumb ass that wud burn like hell
Sirin_fml 47
.
allia118 11
Oui
yamatelle 19
96- DAMN! Is that how you talk to your elders? If you disagree, just say it. You don't necessarily have to insult her. She is 49 and you're 16...
HomeAl0ne 20
#24 - I feel that there should be an FML out there with your nick on it....
tona01 16
86 but a hand is a lonely penis's best friend
iAmScrubs 19
Pierre will have his revenge tomorrow night. Your weapon will be used against you.
hailphire130 0
Lmao This reminds me of the Robot Chicken episode where this guy got a penis transplant from a serial killer and his dick started trying to kill people.