Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML
Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML
Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML
Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML
Today, at the age of 22, I started eating my boogers. FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML
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Top comments
Ilovelife07 0
Serves that asshole Mr. Owl right, somebody was bound to foil his plans to keep the answer from the world
starbucks14 0
I wouldn't have wasted my entire day on that but i think the fact that you accomplished something like that is kind of cool, then again I'm 15. ♥
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Comments (420)
kdubk93 0
LOL
cutefuzzybees 0
That's awesome.
ShowerFlirt 0
nice. i've always been curious...
stiles_fml 0
it took me 50 you must suck
lalalahello2 0
that's definitely not an FML, that's baller.
HawkingBeach 0
I wish I had your life. That is legit!
Jordie210 0
good to know. haha.
gregthestrange 3
FML's like these are seriously pure shit. We don't need to know about your sad ******* life. GTFO also, there was a study about this. It's different every time, depending on how hard you lick the sucker and how much surface area your tongue gets when you lick it you're still a douche bag
stiles_fml 0
were ur parents like you coz if they were wat a gay family how is this an fml
sillieejilliee 0
I lol'd.