Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML
Today, I had to explain to my 14-year-old sister why one must not wear the same pair of knickers for a week. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML
Today, my sister's boyfriend asked for tips on how to please her in bed. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML
Today, I walked in on my sister shoving her vibrating phone into her privates. Can't erase that image. FML
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
Today, I had to endure a long story about how and why my brother shaves his pubes. FML
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Top comments
HortonThelephant 15
Well not EVERY guy is hung like an elephant, BUT..
idealTHC 7
Well... I know if I dont tie it down I would come home with red marks all across my chest.
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Comments (156)
jgriff79 23
I do!
laughtersplay 14
If men always fap, who knows if they flap.
perdix 31
.
perdix 31
#14, the Latin plural of penis would be penes. In English, it's penises. If you have to strap down multiple penises, you'd be a medical oddity.
Zedd_fml 8
I don't, sometimes I need direction, it's my North pointer.
ydi_4_suking 20
I have to tape mine down my pant leg
isabelm1224 4
#54 does it hurt when u pull of the tape O_o
His_Holiness 18
I've found that super glue tends to keep it from flopping about a little better than tape does.
LupeTabasco 5
I just tie mine around my waist
Meettitan 14
That's not what jock straps are for?.... I've been severely misinformed.....
Meettitan 14
I tried wrapping my comment with sacrasm tags XML style, but FML deleted the tags out...? I guess they don't like code in the comments. But I digress, to those who are clueless: my previous post was a joke.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I use mine as a scarf on those cold winter mornings
Osito2011 9
I use painters tape to hold mine down. Double wrap and it holds strong and it doesn't pull the skin when you peel of the tape.
MrBrightside21 20
I tie mine down so it doesn't hit me in the face when I'm doing jumping jacks.
Byahhh 3
Well, I doubt Asian men have to...
0RedPenguin0 8
If you have to do the same thing with boobs, obviously penises work the same way
howdeedoo 22
A sports bra for penises...how interesting.
gmian 34
A... bro, perhaps?
winnerme123 8
18- It's called a jock strap.
ConBroChilll 9
or a spandex.... haha it's so ingenious that we forget to acknowledge it.
codyjohn17 5
Yeah, we strap down our penis' with things called shorts.. If we run around naked though, things tend to flop around.
michellenKG 5
Or dare we say.... manzeer?
SakataGintoki 9
Hey, it's only fair if us women have to wear bras while jogging. ;)
Rancor 5
I don't know who made that rule, but I'd be fine if girls didn't wear bras while jogging.
Laurenlou 24
The reason girls wear sports bras to jog is because it hurts for our boobs to bounce that much! Talk about OUCH! Not to mention how distracting it is. And also how many creeps a girl would attract from not wearing a sports bra.
codyjohn17 5
We dont want any girl to get a black eye from a bouncing boob.
pissperfect 7
Perhaps the real need for strappin' down arises because of all those jogging ladies.
ur2nvthis85 3
I would only get a block before either stopping due to the pain or TKO. And I don't understand how guys (or girls) would find our bouncing floppy fat sacks that just happen to be placed on our chest to be attractive...just saying.
ur2nvthis85 3
I would only get a block before either stopping due to the pain or TKO. And I don't understand how guys (or girls) would find our bouncing floppy fat sacks that just happen to be placed on our chest to be attractive...just saying.
nanadaime_hokage 10
Boobs don't need logic.
HortonThelephant 15
Well not EVERY guy is hung like an elephant, BUT..
MidnaLink 35
Says the guy named HortonThelephant
ilikebikes7 3
I believe that was the whole point.
annihil8or 15
That's really what you think?
MatteKudasai 17
53- Yes.
qtbabe127 22
5's comment and avatar go so well together.
HortonThelephant 15
How did Captain Obvious up there receive 80 thumbs?
enormouselephant 15
I think my name might say it all.
duma191 21
some times that is exactly what is required.
idealTHC 7
Well... I know if I dont tie it down I would come home with red marks all across my chest.
Lbeck 7
Well then.. I like a man with red marks all over his chest.
jetsown08 21
You jog with an erection?
Needafarm 22
I giggled like a school girl at the image this put in my head.
sparklesvan 5
HA. This is great
kwyk 23
#95, You'd love me then! I have terrible acne. I don't need to say I'm joking do I?
bandofsand 10
You guys should watch Juno together.
the_anti_hipster 7
"Pork swords" quote gets me every time...
The_F3rris 11
"Junk bouncing around in their shorts" lol
presque_fml 11
"I ALWAYS picture them naked, even if I don't want to. All I see is pork swords."
Sunkistlover718 21
That's dumb. They should save tape and just use staples instead.
Welshite 40
That mental image is horrific.
kurodansei 16
Upon reading that my penis has retreated and refuses to return.
kut17 11
No penis, no opinion.
4gethishit 4
I dont even have a penis and yet that hurt
lilhellian 27
Please comment this after YOUR balls have been stapled.. Sincerely balls everywhere...
dixiefoxx 22
Owww, I'm a girl and that even hurts me to think about
TheNewGuy03 29
Rarely has any comment made me laugh and cringe simultaneously. Thanks! :D
testestestes123 4
I like to helicopter when jogging.
gc327072 31
Well I would guess from your name.
slimjim8094 12
To impress a chick, do the helicopter dick
sparklesvan 5
I have personally witnessed this firsthand and I honestly couldn't decide how I felt about it...
seasonedtoast 19
Meat helicopters!
ilikebikes7 3
I usually just tuck It into my sock, so I don't get gravel rash.
Welshite 40
You're that short, hmm?
ilikebikes7 3
Hey! Its vertically challenged thank you.
kut17 11
Hey, we have something in common! Only I'm not vertically challenged. I'm packing heat.
Steve95401 49
I use mine as a third leg to help me go faster.
samasara 20
I bet you guys are all actually centimeter peters.
TheNewGuy03 29
Ah, Lilliputian troubles ... this is how they cope.
Hockeyboy4280 18
40- Do you mean packing meat? Personally i like to tuck my lovegun into my belt. Any intruders or robbers cum nearby, and I'll just pull a quickdraw and shoot 'em in the head.
etchsanity1 11
Sorry to hear about the QuickDraw ... Maybe practice will help your stamina
Hockeyboy4280 18
Yeah, Palmela Handerson has been begging me for a break. However, I am quick to draw, but not quick to release.
Brssps 13
I see what you did there