Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
Today, I think my cat is getting high. Whenever she finds her drug of choice, she sniffs it, then rolls around in it, purring ecstatically. Typical catnip reaction, right? Wrong. It’s my dirty underwear she's into. FML
Today, I realised why I’m so irritable these days. My former flatmate smoked so many cigarettes that, now he’s moved out and taken the smoke with him, I’m going through nicotine withdrawal. I realised this after I saw cigarettes in a shop and couldn’t stop staring at them. FML
Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML
Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML
Today, I spent hours in town getting everything I'd need to make dinner, taking the cat to the vet, getting gardening supplies, and filling up our extra tanks with gas for the mowers. I came home, only for Mom to wordlessly plunk down an empty pack of cigarettes, and grin like a Cheshire cat, then sip her wine. FML
Today, I caught my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML
Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML
Today, I realized my cat has a foot fetish. She keeps randomly flopping over on my feet while I'm walking, and will lick my toes if I am barefooted. I have absolutely no idea where this came from, but it makes me super uncomfortable. Even my other cat looks at her like she's gone insane. FML
Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML
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Top comments
kaysheik 16
Time for an intervention.
jonny201 11
Just...how? And also, how!?
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Comments (34)
jonny201 11
Just...how? And also, how!?
elek2008 9
Some people actually teach their dogs to smoke. Anything can get addicted. What likely happened is the cat found one and started batting it around then chewed it and overtime became addicted. Not sure how to help stop it though other than keep the cat inside.
potuyit 10
#16 Why would somebody teach their dog to smoke?
Teyros 24
Guess you'll have to leave a nicotine patch on the floor to help.
kaysheik 16
Time for an intervention.
krazy789 28
OP,"Cat... I think you have a nicotine problem."
whassallt26 13
I think you're reading into that way too much, it's probably just a cat licking a cigarette bud
UserError94 18
Yea. I'm sure he can stop anytime he wants to and he just chooses not to right??
dorothy675 15
Cats. What are they?
Delta_0DST 12
Ninjas and/or devil spawn
Nakomai 17
The other white meat!
ScienceTheDragon 11
Maybe she's addicted to licking dirty paper. Cats are mysterious things.
deathrise007 22
You're kidding right? A person doesn't smoke because they are addicted to the burning tobacco. They are addicted to the nicotine in the tobacco.
Magnoxidans 19
She could just want to be let out so often because she's a cat and... cats like to be outside?
onlychildFTW 34
Not true. My car hated to be outside. Only way to get him out was to carry him. Even pretend to put him down outside and he would let his claws out to dig in.
Nobinx 15
then he was just scared of the outside world because he didn't know it since he was a baby
donuts678 25
First it's cigarettes, then it will be heroin. Your cat is going down a dark road.
deathrise007 22
Get your cat a vape pen :P. In all seriousness don't let your cat out anymore.
captain_hero89 22
cats are already know to be assholes. last thing we need is them vaping
NakedandAfraid 14
I own 6 cats and I find that they just really like the smell of cigarettes.