Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
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Top comments
powelale0000 19
He probably thinks you're a dick now.
wopchop12 8
Why was his dick hanging out?
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Comments (142)
kreme561 1
What a dick move
SandyToes 2
Haha bet ya don't do that again! Best laugh I have had all night!
catalina16 6
I relate to this so much it hurts. I didn't say anything but I poked my friends pocket in class thinking his phone was there. I keep quiet and I just started poking his leg and arm to make it look like I was trying to annoy him.
tbon3r 15
you should have known. op is your last name hawk? cause if it is you're my new best friend.
tournamentdecide 33
Was he at least hot
ThunderTheRad 14
Who has a dick bulge in their pocket?
Ksweety_fml 27
He must have a big dick.
Sathane 21
Can we get this one in the Illustrated section?
mosquito19 14
your friend must be very happy to see you.
StiffPvtParts 43
#103 Or a reference to one of the American Pie movies :3
EvilLittleMan 23
Tickle pickles much?