Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML
Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
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Top comments
powelale0000 19
He probably thinks you're a dick now.
wopchop12 8
Why was his dick hanging out?
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Comments (142)
pjsr 33
I hope he called you in the morning
cjwayy 22
I seriously laughed really hard at this hahaha
RedPillSucks 33
Don't be so testicular, OP
cjwayy 22
God damnit, Mike.
jeepchick16 3
sorry but that is tooooo funny
RedPillSucks 33
spoiler... It was his shirt pocket.
trellz17 19
You poked it, you might as well go all the way now.
clairedaloon 9
I've got something in my front pocket for you, why don't you reach down inside and see what it is? lol
JokersHQ 21
Oops! Well I hope you were able to laugh it off at least!
flashback_fml 14
Why would you poke it? Wouldn't pointing suffice?
Marie54321 19
That's like when girls accidentally touch their friends boob and then there's that awkwardness just circulating around
PokeZilla 9
But this wasn't an accident. He straight up poked it on purpose.