Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

I'm gonna come

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

Fast and Furious

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

Gotcha

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML