Username
United States
Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff
United States
Strange metric
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Anonymous
Romania
Careless and carefree
Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML
sad fat drunk
Boozehound
Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML
Anonymous
Australia
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
anonymous
Chicago, United States
Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML
CreeptacularBait
Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML
LadyJane
Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML
Anonymous
Health is overrated
Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML
Lou
United Kingdom
Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML
PickYourselfUp
Chesapeake, United States
New day, same shit
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
Top comments
griffin4 0
like the penguin. he too waddles
marijuanasmoker4 3
You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (382)
leeshxx 3
ah boners thankyou u have him :)
denvan 0
You should have gone with the option of rolling across it
rebecca_marie_21 0
Whatever gets you motivated.
Charm651 0
find a better motive mate...
chrstygrl06 10
It's okay the chicken had problems crossing the road too.
sweetkraut 2
well at least it's a functional goal...
4Lonely2Stoner0 0
That's the only reason you have to lose weight? Look in the mirror and you'll have a couple other reasons.
mollysunshine 2
it's okay... I don't think anyone can..
breathemein 10
good for you!
Perishthethought 0
I've recently lost over 40 lbs of rippling cellulite - and I notice I even walk quicker now. You wouldn't think losing weight would make you quicker but it does.