Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML
Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML
Today, because I wanted to let my cat have his breakfast before I used the bathroom, which is also his dining room, I learned that when your day starts with shitting your pants, things can only get better from there. FML
Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML
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Top comments
rocketslider 0
at least he listened :')
YayorNay 8
So the cat still gives a shit.
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Comments (116)
nerdygirl13 0
not ideal but I'm sure he is a great listener
indistructo 3
maybe you shouldn't work so much
broomhildo 19
Yes, turn down the ability to make extra money while your country is having economic issues. Sounds brilliant. Why work at all?
KiddNYC1O 22
That's how the bums converse here in NYC.
dreamering 16
Do you work in cemetery at night or something similar, scary place? If yes, than it will explain the reason for your cat's behavior. Don't tell him zombie stories every night.
KiddNYC1O 22
Your comment is as legit as your BMW.
dreamering 16
Hey, don't talk shit about my BMW.
KiddNYC1O 22
Lol =P
ncvolley123 8
When I first read it I thought you said a friend watching your cat shit on the floor after you told him/her about your day. THAT would suck
tatit 0
Damn. That is about all I can muster. Just damn.
MrSassypants 34
That's how I end all my conversations.... and like a cat, I meow while doing so.
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
talk to a dog they'll be happy with whatever you say
xsuperhighxme 0
Wow, your only forced friend hates you. Let's work on that self-esteem
yummybom 1
wow ydi for being so lame. at least you have something to do now