Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML
Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML
Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML
Today, because I wanted to let my cat have his breakfast before I used the bathroom, which is also his dining room, I learned that when your day starts with shitting your pants, things can only get better from there. FML
Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML
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Top comments
rocketslider 0
at least he listened :')
YayorNay 8
So the cat still gives a shit.
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Comments (116)
calidoscope 0
that's pretty much every night for me but he doesn't always shit
X_Codes 11
When the cat ***** on the floor, they're protesting the state of their litter box.
BabbiiLovvee 0
That's why you should have turtles as friends, instead of cats.
badactor009 0
And that's how life goes sometimes.
jw04438 5
he took in what you were saying but he let it pass very quickly
XxsexyemoxX 0
Awww I'm very sorry :(
Lovelybuggy 1
Has anyone else noticed that the person called Username (the writer of this FML) had written A LOT of FMLs that are from different points of view? Say when he/she said that "his wife and children were in the hospital together" or say, the post right above this one that talks about how his/her little brother being the favorite! and if you look at where it is, this post was from the U.S while the post above it was from a different country! and they aren't even a day apart... suspicious, isn't it?
Lovelybuggy 1
oops, i meant the comment right above this one that talks about how her/his sister married the person that bullied him/her through high school
Magnimus 4
YDI for not making time for friends. I don't care how busy you are, you should always make time for friends, if for no other reason, so you don't go batshit insane. Hang out with your friends. It's good to hang out with your friends. Your cat is not your friend. He is your pet. I love my dog; but she is not my friend. Hang out with your friends.
jalaven 1
I'll be your friend op :)