Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML
Today, I thought I might need some anger-management classes, after I punched a hole in a kitchen cabinet when my dog wouldn't stop yapping every time the rooster my neighbors just got made a noise. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, I was so tired at work that I stared at the microwave waiting for my food. It was a full minute before I realized I'd never actually turned it on after I'd put the food in it. FML
Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, bitch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML
Today, I was trying to lower the volume on my TV, but nothing was happening. I got increasingly frustrated, smacking the remote and yelling at the screen. My brain finally woke up when I realized I was holding the air conditioning remote and had been turning my living room into a freezer instead. FML
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Top comments
Akumie 6
Pore microwave.:c it was just doing its job. **** your microwave's life
grahambertus 11
Yes, that PORE microwave. All it ever wanted was to be a hair follicle, but now its just a pimple.
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Comments (141)
sweetness17 7
channel your inner adam sandler and fix the problem buddy.
Michael912 3
Movie was mad funny OP should sing the song from that movie
akerekes12 0
Hey
AndySamberg 9
Goosefrabba
brohamas16 7
you should smoke weed....that'll calm you down
legresley85 1
I think most people have anger problems and no self control just go to the mall for a few hours, you see some pretty messed up shit.
thiscrazything 1
Should have been faster.
SecretMe00 5
And opened the microwave door before the beep... Have to finish your thought or people don't understand.
ladyLALAA 29
I understood, don't think it was that difficult..
perdix 31
You need to smack that microwave and teach it to shut the **** up. Mine beeps every minute or two after it's finished. Hey, I'll get my food when I damn well feel like it! Don't rush me, you stupid magnetotronic bastard!
scarface90 8
I disagree...it's the toaster that needs a good bitch slap every now and then for burning my toast
aliciab394 5
Andy stove diserves a knife to the nobs. The stupid f**ker thought it was funny to set my sweatshirt on fire. >.>
perdix 31
Yeah, well, my microwave decides it's funny to make enormous tomato sauce explosions that go all the place (even when covered with a paper towel.) It needs a Texas ass-whuppin'
MineIsBigger 5
i give my favorite kitchen accessory a good smack on the bottom and abuse it some more with my penis. thatll teach my wife to burning my pizza rolls!
SamCat 21
Microwave R rather rude, they beep forever like saying "hurry up stupid, your food is getting cold". Little ovens on the other hand, only ring once ;) ...its like a nagging wife vs a pleasing girlfriend.
drmountaindeww 0
If you experience this everyday, i do think its a real problem, injust don't know what. I experience the same types of anger issues too. Sorry bro
KatieKupcake4195 9
Haha I'm sorry but this made me laugh. I suggest art and music as ways to express your anger. It's healthier than yelling :)
perdix 31
I looked at Edvard Munch's "The Scream" and listened to Nine Inch Nails "Head Like A Hole." It didn't help.
KatieKupcake4195 9
51 - Hahaha! You know what I meant xD
dethbunny 0
Ha
xMiss_Maggot 7
I like your name
GovernorGeneral 8
And I like yours maggot.
micahsmommy 13
I don't understand why people always stop the microwave before it dings. I you don't want it to run that long, then set it for the right time. My mother in law does this and every time I come home (she babysits my son when I work) my microwave is showing how many seconds she had left from heating up her lunch rather than the clock.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Probably because that beeping sound really gets on some people's nerves. I know it gets on mine. What's the alternative, not to use it at all? Or going apeshit like OP? Opening it a few seconds before it's done is the way to go for those of us not too fond of the microwave's friendly reminder.
micahsmommy 13
Hmm maybe they need to make microwaves where you can change the tone like ringtones on a mobile. That way you actually want to hear it finish.