Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML
Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML
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Top comments
feldco1 17
Unless she has tried to tell you what to work on, it's really her fault. Communication is key with this stuff.
MeLikeBigBoom 8
Well your username explains it quite a bit...
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Comments (89)
HortonThelephant 15
Its alright op. Sometimes even being hung like a bull elephant isn't enough. . . Take charge! Put your back into it! Its just sex you know. A carnal instinct. Trial and error, some communication! You'll have her screaming hallelujah in no time
7yzz 18
Actually im pretty sure if you were hung like a bull elephant then it would definitely be enough.
flockz 20
maybe she's had a longer more experienced breadstick in the past that was able to take the edge of her, uh, hunger.
perdix 31
Buy her a vibrator or a **** machine, and sit in the corner and whack off as she goes to town.
7yzz 18
Probably not the best solution Perdix my good man, but it definitely would help her 'go to town'. BRING IN THE WHEEL OF TONGUES!
Merylwen 24
That's the stupidest username I've seen. Dude, **** won't teach you anything. Actually, that's most certainly the very reason you're worthless in bed.
Catkam623 27
**** teaches you lots of things like that his username is a joke and that you've obviously never gotten laid, but thank you for wasting your time and everyone else's on your stupidity.
yoursucklives 36
just because women in **** seem like the absolutely love what their sexpartner does, doesn't mean they would like it in real life or that any women would like it. for example: i wouldn't like when my boyfriend would come on my face, but that seems to be quite common in ****.
countryrose92 23
Hey now, a girl can learn quite a bit from watching a few bj videos, but I don't think a man can learn much from **** seeing as all the man does is sit there with a Viagra.
jlpteo 6
#24 Agreed, alot of the stuff that goes on in **** is very unlikely to be enjoyable in real life. Im also not a fan of getting it in my hair
7yzz 18
Not true. Its not like the only that happens in **** is girls taking it to the face. **** teaches you alot of positions, and how to thrust properly. I do my girl like a **** star, in all kinds of positions, and she effing loves it. So saying **** doesnt teach you anything is a complete lie. Who would be better at sex, someone whos never had sex before or someone who's studied a bit of ****? Bit of a no brainer.
rabidpeach 5
i recommend you watch more lesbian ****. take notes.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Not really most lesbian **** is just two straight women being paid to act like lesbians for straight guys to whack off to.
RedPillSucks 33
Not really disagreeing with you, but how would you know such a thing? The women could be "BI".
Enslaved 38
Or buy.
7yzz 18
@33 How the hell would you know? Judging by your profile pic you dont look like the best insight into womanhood.
yoursucklives 36
li don't understand women who fake orgamsm. what does that help? sure, your man will feel good about himself, but why not tell him what you like so the both of you can be satisfied? i know nobody will believe me, but i never faked an ******, and my boyfriend appreciates that i told him what i want, since i can't ****** from penetration alone.
RedPillSucks 33
Sometimes they fake it so the guy will stop. They'd rather do that, than bust the guys ego or seem "forward" during sex by telling the guy what they like. Unfortunately this society teaches men and women that men are suppose to "take charge" and women are suppose to be subservient and compliant.
firefighter925 18
-_- I see what you did there
Headcrab 29
Not your fault OP. Your gf should give you directions if you are doo g something g wrong. How else can you know? FYL OP.
vehementbitch 4
Maybe you need to learn from a pro, and not some washed up **** stars.
firefighter925 18
so your saying he's too soft? lol