Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML
Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML
Today, I was over at a friend's house feeding her cats while she was on vacation. After feeding the four of them, I found an extra cat under the sofa. Thinking it was an intruding stray, I kicked it out. She actually has 5 cats. FML
Today, I got a call at work. My cat somehow managed to lock my boyfriend and dog out of the house. The rental manager charged us $25 to open the door. The cat seems quite pleased with herself. FML
Today, my wife brought home a kitten, telling me it had been abandoned. She must think I’m dumb, since our credit card statement shows that all last week she bought it from a breeder, then got it vaccinated and chipped at the vet's, and only now brought it home to feed me this pack of lies. FML
Today, I had to buy more supplies for the cat my friend asked me to pet sit for 2 weeks. Her 2-week vacation ended over 3 years ago. FML
Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML
Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML
Today, my wife got drunk and adopted a kitten. She thought I’d be mad because of the money. Nope, I’m pretty sure I’m mad because I have the most severe type of cat allergy that could kill me. I can’t go in the house now until everything is sterilised, so I’m back at my dad's house. FML
Today, I was awakened at 5:30 a.m. Did my dog need to go out? No. Did my alarm go off? No. My neighbor's asshole cat was on my window AC, scratching at my window, before pissing on the AC and jumping off. If I turn it on, my bedroom will reek of cat piss. The high today will be near 90. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
If you have to pay through the nose to keep five ******* cool to keep one pussy warm, ya just shut up and do it. Or start learning yoga.
Smeelover27 15
I'd make a cat pun but I'm not feline it anymore.
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Comments (136)
LovesSushi 25
You didn't realize she had a cat obsession before this? I find that hard to believe... 5 cats too many in my book
Pleonasm 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That blows.
Smeelover27 15
I'd make a cat pun but I'm not feline it anymore.
lambda_fml 40
erm...its a Catastrophy?
perdix 31
If you have to pay through the nose to keep five ******* cool to keep one pussy warm, ya just shut up and do it. Or start learning yoga.
herpderpherpderp 13
it sounds like OP gets a lot of pussy. it had to be said.
vbmg152 19
Lol!!! :-)
Jovecove 13
Nah paying $850 for just one proper pussy is steep
abu4u 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I thought only single people own multiple cats. :-S
gc327072 31
My aunt owns two. She's been married 30 years…
AnyaS 19
My family has four cats. We're not alone.
vewwe 20
Abu4u - I see what you mean! When I was single I thought I was gonna end up alone for the rest of my life, living in a cute little house with 27 cats :)) maybe it's not my belief anymore, but I am still going to have at least 2 of them!
teamlightskin 14
Forget about the air, what about the five cats? I think That may be an obsession in itself.....
liv4theearth 13
His exact words were "my wife's cat obsession."
HairyPunisher 27
*face palm*
AssTard 15
77- We're further than facepalming at this point. Now we're just shoving our hand through our head in frustration.
conqueror57 11
If she's so obsessed with cats, she should learn that most cats are heat seekers and prefer to be warm, not cool. She's actually making them less happy keeping an air conditioner on all day.
RocketNinjaFish 12
Yeah, but it can get really hot in Australia, especially during summer. Our cats sleep near the fans during the day in summer. But in winter, yeah they're heat seekers ;)
sniken 14
Talk with her, and try to get it down to one or two cats.. Even Barney Stinson would've given up trying to keep 6 "kittens" satisfied.
Saone_fml 27
So you think they should just get rid of 3 cats? That's... "nice" of you. Just turn off the air conditioning, cats prefer warmth anyway.
sniken 14
sell them, donate, give them to a shelter or whatever. I like cats, but 5 is a few too many imho.
KatjaM 15
21-Wouldn't turning off the A/C and maybe leaving a fan or two on be more reasonable request than getting rid of the cats!? Obviously OP's wife cares very much for her cats and she's not just going to get rid of them; that's heartless.
gracehi 33
I just don't see how reducing the number of cats would solve this particular problem. Even if she only had three cats, she'd probably still want to leave the AC on for them, which would still cost OP the same amount of money when it chimes to the electric bill.
Mifflicious 18
#10, And why is five cats too much? There are poeple who have five kids too. When they adopted the cats, they became responsible for their well being and lives. It would be stupid and wrong to just give them away, especially to a shelter. I really hope you dont have any pets or plan to get any. You clearly don't see them as anything else than a part of the furniture.
sniken 14
I never referred to the price of the ac, simply because as long as they have pets they are responsible for their well-being and shouldn't even mutter about the cost of it. And I'm sorry my thoughts differs from yours, but it is much easier for me to understand people having 5 kids then a couple having 5 cats.
SunAndMoon427 12
63-why is it more reasonable? My family had four dogs and my boyfriends family has five, is that to many in your opinion? Pets are like family to people, so getting rid of them is just cruel and heartless
lilhellian 27
For those mentioning prices and family.. It's cheaper to have five pets for maybe 15 years vs. five kids for 18.. If I remember right the gov. estimate for kids until their 18 is like 300k..
Jessj958 19
#80, that sounds about right! Kids are expensive, especially when they get older and want every new toy that comes out. Then it ends up sitting in a corner....
rhysfucker 24
At least cats are social, loving creatures that are always glad to see you when you come home... Oh, wait....never mind...
Saone_fml 27
Yeah they are. My two cats greet me when i get home and then sit next to me for cuddles when i finally sit down. Just because cats don't necessarily actively how affection doesn't mean they aren't loving or welcoming.
rhysfucker 24
Touché
CharresBarkrey 16
I think it also depends on how you raise them. I don't have cats, so correct me if I'm wrong. It just seems that if you pay them a lot of attention and pet them a lot as kittens, they will be more affectionate.
Saone_fml 27
@19 Yes and no, depending in the age you get them at, if you are too cuddly when they're a teenager (yeah they can be rebellious too) they will be more or less cuddly, but training goes for any pet.
KatjaM 15
19-I try and try to pet my cats all the time, even play with them and they won't have it :( They just like me when I have food, at least the boys do. The girl is usually sweet until I pick her up, then she'll scream bloody murder.
gracehi 33
Cats just show affection in more subtle ways than dogs. For example, did you know that when a cat looks at you and closes his eyes very slowly, he's telling you he loves you? That sign of affection gets lost in translation a lot more easily than shaking with excitement and licking your face.
Quiet_one 22
My cats greet me at the door when I get home just like my dog does when I visit my parents, and they usually follow me around to be in whatever room I'm in (which is actually more than my dog does). Cats in general are not anti-social, they just aren't always as in-your-face with their affections as dogs tend to be. Generally speaking, I prefer dogs, but cats can be pretty great too if you give them a chance.
EvilUndead 9
48, AFAIK it doesn't mean it loves you but "I pose no threat to you and do not want to fight with you". Looking directly into eye is aggressive behavior. Half-closed eyes mean "chill out I'm in peaceful mood". They do display affection, though - by rubbing against you (they mark you as "their" human this way), "headbutting" you, etc.
lukemack 4
Some cats are ok, 90% are in it for the food that's just my opinion I've owned 4 cats and my friends have cats never seen any that show near as much affection as dogs, cats just want to do there own thing. (My opinion you don't have to agree)
Squeaky_Tomato 14
My kitty Monkey greets me at the door when I come home. He rolls on his back for belly rubs and follows me around the house. When I sit down he curls up on my lap and licks my hands until I pet him. My kitty cuddles with me all night as well.
KareBear7364 5
it doesn't even matter that there's five cats, its the fact that the air is left on for hours for them. that's not necessary just leave them water and they'll be fine.
TheDrifter 24
It gets bloody hot there in the summer, setting the AC to come on at 28 or so in the house works well. Keeps pets from cooking and won't cost near as much add trying to keep the house at 21 for them all day.
Kalipczo 21
My neighbors do that for their dog.., tell her about the wild cats in hot places such as Africa.. Your pets, although domesticated, are still decentants from Ferrell cats, I'm sure they're capable of keeping themselves cool for the day.
photoquilty 6
You're sooooo smart. What's Ferrell? Did you mean feral? D'oh!
Kalipczo 21
Like you've never made a spelling error in your life.
isallwaysme 27
27, and you're so perfect, never making any type of mistakes ever, now are you. Everybody makes mistakes, so you can go suck a big one. I'm a grammar Nazi too, but I try not to be a complete asshole about it
perdix 31
#27, haha, I was thinking that, too. Was she thinking of Will Ferrell? Were the cats from Ricky Bobby, Elf, Old School or Anchorman? Maybe the infamous cowbell player from BOC?
middlecyclone 5
The fact that Ferrell was capitalised makes me think it was an autocorrect.
Ameel_fml 19
To be fair, plenty of animals die due to the heat or the droughts in Africa. And domesticated cats are built differently than wild African cats. They can handle the heat to an extent, but it's irresponsible to assume that just because a cat is vaguely like a lion or cheetah, that it can handle the type of heat that those big cats can handle. Part of that has been bred out of domesticated cats, and many of them (particularly long haired cats) really do suffer during the hotter seasons. I know I probably sound harsh here but as an ex vet assistant, it was sad seeing just how many pets came into the vet during Summer because of heatstroke, dehydration, etc.
Kalipczo 21
Fans and open windows I can understand but hiking up an $850 bill for all-day ac? A bit extreme in my opinion. When I had a cat he's find a cool place in the basement or garage or under the bed.