Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend's ex. I decided to be a good person and hold the door for her as we walked into the store. She decided to be the bitch she is and stomp on my foot as she walked through the open doorway. FML
Today, I saw my ex and his new girlfriend walking towards me. To make things less awkward, I tried to be cool and give him a high five. He misjudged and went for a fist bump. I ended up slapping his hand, and it felt like it lasted forever, all while she just smirked at me. FML
Today, I ran into my ex at our local supermarket. Trying to be aloof, I waved casually, but I misjudged the distance and knocked over a display of canned beans. My ex just stood there, laughing, while I scrambled to rearrange up my mess. FML
Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML
Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML
Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML
Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Really? She hit you with a mace? Where does one buy a big spiked iron ball on a stick these days? I could really use one.
Ambient25 25
You should put her number on Craigslist
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Comments (143)
Zeishah 26
kudos to you for being the mature one but i hope youve learnt your lesson- next time dont bother, it aint worth it.
zenrael 21
She should not be allowed to carry mace, period. That stuff can do real damage. Hey look I found out why she was so mad (refer back to period).
Fluffydemise 18
Swing and a miss!
CharresBarkrey 16
The whole reason for carrying mace is that it can do real damage. That's what it's for...
EmberEyes 16
24 your not supposed to use it for something like that.
CharresBarkrey 16
No, you're supposed to use it when you're in danger, because it can do real damage. It's supposed to be harmful.
AngelSpit 18
there should be a training class to carry mace. Or potentially a small questionnaire when you buy it that determines if you're smart/responsible enough to have mace or if you need to take a training class .... stupid bitches
D3ATHZ3RO 15
At least now u know ur the mature one....
xStaciexLynnx 15
Or the real asshole in the past relationship. Or the abusive one. Or the cheater.
BradTheBrony 19
"Wow, you cheated on me and hurt my pretty little feelings! I'm gonna spray you with extremely painful and potentially dangerous chemicals!" That's how things work, right? Right?
Fluffydemise 18
Are you American? I sense a litigious solution.
ElTigre995 4
What does being american have to do with lawsuits?
Fluffydemise 18
You're right. Americans are definitely not overly litigious. Not at all. Not even slightly. Definitely not. Is the sarcasm obvious enough for you yet?
DriAA7 17
Stereotyping is never the answer.
RedPillSucks 33
@85 Ima sue you for excessive sarcasm.
ozpunker 20
Reminds me of Seinfeld when the dude got stabbed in the face with a fork.
Dcm210 19
Wow sorry to hear that. Maybe next time just walk by and act like she doesn't exist.
DaLiquer 20
Let her go bud, she is you ex for a reason!
BradTheBrony 19
He was trying to be civil, not to get in her pants. What do you mean "let her go?" Is he not allowed to interact with her EVER AGAIN because he USED to date her?
kiskraze 7
& now you can remember why you two aren't together anymore.
fatalwish 6
pretty sure that constitutes as assualt just sayin
perdix 31
If you said it through you mouth, you are indeed the more mature one. On the other hand, if you waved your penis at her and threw your voice like a ventriloquist to make it look like your dick was talking to her, you both tie for last place in the maturity contest.
perdix 31
*your mouth I'm not a morning person, sorry.