Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend's ex. I decided to be a good person and hold the door for her as we walked into the store. She decided to be the bitch she is and stomp on my foot as she walked through the open doorway. FML
Today, I saw my ex and his new girlfriend walking towards me. To make things less awkward, I tried to be cool and give him a high five. He misjudged and went for a fist bump. I ended up slapping his hand, and it felt like it lasted forever, all while she just smirked at me. FML
Today, I ran into my ex at our local supermarket. Trying to be aloof, I waved casually, but I misjudged the distance and knocked over a display of canned beans. My ex just stood there, laughing, while I scrambled to rearrange up my mess. FML
Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML
Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML
Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML
Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
Really? She hit you with a mace? Where does one buy a big spiked iron ball on a stick these days? I could really use one.
Ambient25 25
You should put her number on Craigslist
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (143)
DocBastard 40
Really? She hit you with a mace? Where does one buy a big spiked iron ball on a stick these days? I could really use one.
GuessWhatKids 13
SR, probably ;P.
lulubelles 33
Macy's?
Tiffosaurus 12
Have you checked Toys-R-S yet?
Wizardo 34
Thou should check Ye Olde Shoppe for all ye defensive needs...
RocketNinjaFish 12
I got mine for free with a happy meal :)
DocBastard 40
Lulubelles - Well played, madam.
adam3650 12
First it's kids running around with knives, now it's maces. where will it stop?...
Alihb 16
I really hope that was sarcasm. If not, mace is a brand of pepper spray.
l23VIVE 17
upvote for you DocBastard
Zomg_Okay 27
35 - Whoosh.
iluvevil01 11
Walmart. They have EVERYTHING
ErrrmIdk 5
They are on sale at WalMart(:
soccerstar1996 18
Internet? They have everything on the Internet!
pedinhuh 23
eBay?
flockz 20
walmart, internet, ebay, macy's???? where is the best place?!?! it's like none of you even have a mace!
AngelSpit 18
Bud K is where I got mine http://www.budk.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=156514&
rosenkrieger223 24
C-c-c-combo breaker. (referring to 99's not-even-remotely sarcastic/joking reply)
capnbzarr 43
Originally, "mace" referred to a club with a weight on the end. What you're referring to was known as a flail. Although I think video games have made this misnomer more widely known than the correct terminology.
mn_shr 22
I died
BradTheBrony 19
I thought the difference was that flails had a chain attaching the ball, but a mace was attached to the handle.
Wizardo 34
No, no, no a flail is more commonly known as a Magikarp, a well known flailer in the realm of Pokémon and a user of the flail move 'Splash', a mace is completely different.
Sidhen 8
Screw her! If she is like that, then you probably don't need her.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Duh, hence being called the EX-girlfriend.
7yzzFML 17
the bitch.
cocainewhore 30
I think it depends on why they broke up. If the ex has reason to think he's dangerous or something, then maybe she made the right decision. One of my exes was very abusive, if he tried to talk to me normally I would punch him and leave.
maz95 17
Well she probably feels great now that she was able to vent her frustrations out on you.
JACKxRAWR 22
She'll feel even better when she has a few years in prison to mull over what she did. Dude should press charges.
ywolfgl 21
What a bitch! But if u ignore people like that, u are the smart one!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Kinda hard to ignore an eyeful of irritants, isn't it?
lonewolf621 17
You should have counter attacked.
brianraythai 3
Maybe revenge to do with bugs? Because last time I checked, bug is super effective against dark types.
Ambient25 25
You should put her number on Craigslist
Accuraxy 10
Say "Interested in meeting up, send dick pic first."
iAlissa 34
Or "Rent-a-bitch"
fishstick557 14
Put up "car for sale" take a pic and make it really really cheap happened to my buddy
MrConcise 35
Guys, dogs belong under the "Pets" section.
carminecris89 13
That would be a shitty to do. We don't know how he treated her. He might be a total pos.
larsak 3
Agreed!
Pixelatedpotato 28
Well, she did just assault him, so.
Lawlsacopter 6
If she treats you like that after you tried to be civil, then you're the lucky one OP!
Vidrill 22
She is either a little psychotic or maybe you did something terrible to her in the past and she can hold a grudge....
icemand90 17
of course she can hold a grudge, she's a woman
gracehi 33
I wonder if perhaps OP was abusive and so now she finds his mere presence threatening. Not likely, since she "kept walking" rather than ran away, but it's a possibility if she's overconfident in the effects of mace.
Kyle_Kawi27 7
But still mace..? I mean its kind of extreme.
Bloodangel456 12
Just so I'm clear. Mace is a kind of pepper spray right? We don't call it mace in England:P
JACKxRAWR 22
#93, Mace is just very strong pepper spray, designed to be used to repel bear attacks. Anyway, pepper spray is illegal in the UK. :P
CodeXana 9
Why does 13 have so many upvotes? Wtf? Sexism is not something to be approved of. (besides, I'm a woman and I can't hold a grudge at all, except against my mother)
AustinCarlile01 12
or how decent was the break up?
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
I might be mistaken OP but I think she is still resentful over whatever happened in the past between you 2
danial1214 21
Like a boss.
pennies_lane 6
Is anyone else sick of this phrase?
AngelSpit 18
Very
MakeItStopWtf 12
Anytime someone says "like a boss", I reply with " like a BITCH".