Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML
Today, I sat in my room on the computer instead of attending the party of the year. I got kicked out because I wasn't invited. The party was in my back yard, hosted by my brother. FML
Today, I avoided checking Facebook because I didn't want to see all the Halloween parties involving my friends that I didn't get invited to. FML
Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML
Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML
Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML
Today, I attended a party, thinking it was hosted by my friend. I showed up, mingled, had some drinks, and even played a couple of games. After about an hour, my friend called me and asked where I was. I'd crashed the wrong party. Everyone there was nice about it, but now I can never show my face there again. FML
Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
No wonder no one wants to be with you -- you are useless even in imaginary bar fights! I'll bet your imaginary girlfriend is ugly and frigid, and she's cheating on you with your boring imaginary best friend.
JERZBornNRaised 7
thats shit, go out meet people, make friends, and stop sittin at home complainin thru the internet to people how you have no friends, cuz no one is gonna be your pity friend here either.
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Comments (90)
sleepystoner 0
Sad.. but I bet everyone knew you were lying
elisewilloughby 0
You're forrreal stupid. Think things through.
TheNewGuy03 29
well, you're done beating yourself up mentally; you'd better get started on beating yourself up physically to prove to all your "world" of facebook friends that you actually got into a fight. this is a lose-lose situation for you, buddy. |the kid|
justinbaker 0
I know just how you feel...
blondie97_x 2
I stayed in:)
tunegzy 0
staying home wasn't a bad choice for me... there was a shooting not too far from where I lived.
xxmollyxx 25
Better get to work beating yourself up now then to get those nice cuts and bruises.
pedroiaman15 0
have fun bruisin yourself! idiot
Lisa89 3
YDI.. you sound like a douche
bbygiirl 0
facebook is for squares. HA!