Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML
Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I watched the new movie "The Purge." After the movie, I jokingly asked him that if the U.S. had such a purge in real life, would he participate, and who would he kill first. Without missing a beat, he said, "you." FML
Today, I was walking to my friend's Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML
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Top comments
abattior 18
Does that mean the only thing stopping him from killing you is law? i really think you should divorce his ass!
pixigem 15
If you have a husband that thinks so negatively of you, you guys should talk. It won't get better by ignoring it, be honest and open about your feelings, don't lie it'll only get worse!
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Comments (105)
ididntdoitiswear 14
I understand that the "Don't you mean EX husband?" comment is overused but, correct me if I'm wrong, wouldn't this be one of the right times to say that?
bry911 6
Well, your safe...for now
RealSuperSand 21
Maybe it was a dumbass joke between bros, but if not he's lord douchecanoe and has some serious issues. Either way you should sit him down and talk about it. In a crowded public place just to be safe.
MGC501 13
That's just plain disturbing, why would he want to do that to his own wife? He CHOSE to marry you, why would he want to kill you now?
Pinkiss_fml 21
The prime example of America and their attitudes towards gun laws. Some people should really be banned from possessing firearms.
KaidensCrow 18
there is a whole bunch of Crap you have to go through in America to get a handgun. and there is a waiting period before you can take it from the store, a shotgun and rifle though. you hand them some cash and they hand you a gun. no questions asked really. But, America is trying to get tougher on gun laws right now, it's actually a big debate in the country right now.
leogachi 15
@38 This doesn't have anything to do with attitudes toward gun laws. This is just one particular man's attitude toward his wife.
Zebediabolical 45
No, there isn't. In a lot of states all you have to do is go to a gun show with cash and buy from someone who isn't an FFL dealer. I love guns, but I have no issues with a background check and mental health check before someone gets a firearm. But then, I'm a reasonable dude.
Witchylady 18
He sounds a bit dodgy
corky1992 33
I'd run if I were you.
deguwrangler 7
RUN RUN RUN
Enchantedlove 1
Leave him
simsgirlgem 25
Better hope they don't do a purge thing op otherwise you may wanna lock hubby out