acab93
United States
Today, I learned that ham is part of a pig, and not a completely different animal. I'm eighteen. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Dammit
Long Beach, United States
Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML
zac545
United States
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
Face
Australia
Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML
HamHanded
Ham-fisted attempt
Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML
whymommywhy
United States
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Username
United States
Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML
erinbarto
Soon.
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Anonymous
United States
Leftovers
Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML
pigglepigglepiggle
United States
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Top comments
Doortje 30
So you thought a ham was an animal? What did you think it looked like? What sound did you think it made?
ScaryyMary 14
Actually, ham is a fruit. Haven't you ever driven past a ham farm and seen the inbred Republicans plucking the ripe, juicy, pink hams from the tallest trees? I can take you to one, it's such an inspiring sight. Afterward, we can go snipe hunting, I know a GREAT spot.
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Comments (265)
Winter247 2
pigs are smarter than dolphins.
ScaryyMary 14
Nuuuuuuuuuuuh uhhhhhhhhh, dolphins are the second most intelligent life form on Earth, second only to mice.
Winter247 2
you can't argue with a face like mine.
ScaryyMary 14
I just did.
Winter247 2
you're obviously a bimbo.
ScaryyMary 14
At least I know how to use the 'Shift' key.
thatsparksguy 0
ScaryyMary, are you saying that mice are smarter than humans?
allmidnighteyes 11
If the FML community is a fair representation of humanity's intelligence as a whole, then I'd say we're somewhere around the 10th percentile.
SirEBC 7
Midnight, that's being too generous.
sloppyflow 1
pigs are smarter than op
VianaJ_Garcia 14
Humans are the smartest only because they can build weapons the are able to kill the other animals and that is it.
the_ace1337 0
61 that's not how you measure intelligence lol.
Troll1 0
but it is
StoryOfTheYear 15
Mice, Mice, baby, Mice
TheShadesMaster 0
65, That is how you measure intelligence because we are the obvious outcome of survival of the fittest and are dominant on this planet; therefore, we are the most intelligent.
XxPurplePandaxX 0
87-Exactly.
epic13 12
dolphins are the only other mammal that have sexual intercores for pleasure.
emmeau 1
haha was that a reference to hitchhiker's guide? :D
DocBastard 40
Yes, but humans are the only ones who can spell "intercourse". Well, some humans...
Macromartyr 3
What animal does tooth paste come from?
collegegirl87 0
91, Actually bonobo monkeys do too
rickydebacle 0
I like how nobody got ScarrMary's reference
DocBastard 40
Ricky, not everyone has read whatever the hell ScaryMary is referring to. I know I haven't. Don't panic!
Triad24 0
Hahaha ^^ -Like-
someindiandude 6
Actually, Bonobos fall under apes, and I learnt a new thing about them assuming you are right.
ScaryyMary 14
I like how no one can spell my name. Who the hell are these ScarrMary and ScaryMary people?
Kelita 0
#5 ur an ass for putting that as ur profile pic. U think that's funny but it's not. That person is prob going through alot and there u go thinking it's funny. Ur ridiculous.
iluvu2death 0
126 I was going to say that .. y do u have that picture u heartless guy.
Doortje 30
Ah, don't worry Mary, no one ever gets my name right either :( It's always Dortje, Doorje, Dorje, or, this was the worst, I'll remember it for the rest of my life: Doogri.
The_Dude_Abides_ 0
If dolphins were so smart they would stop getting caught in tuna nets and my tuna sandwiches would not taste as good they do.....yummmmy dolphin and mayo on white bread!!!
bariforlife 0
agree wit 87 and 126
MrBond007_fml 6
sorry doortje, I said doortji last time by the way, you still want to see a pic of doc right? ( the funniest thing just happened, I just hit "I" instead of "o" for doc on my I pod, that would have been awkward, bullet dodged!!)
Doortje 30
I doubt he's ever going to show one, now matter how many times you bring up the subject ;)
JohnBoyFsYL 10
#126- You're an ass for putting THAT as your profile picture. that girl is probably going through a lot. it's not funny.
Kelita 0
182 can't b worse than ur pic.....at least ppl can tell Wut sex I am. Wit that bein said....male or female?
gress269 4
Humans and Dolphins are the only two creatures alive (that we know of) who enjoy sex. So, us two are obviousky the best.
kiss_1214 17
What about humans?? We're are animals
capslockisgood 19
3 - Crows are smarter than dolphins.
Jessa_Bo_Bessa 0
Wow.
FMLandurstoo 9
I'm stupid. FML
palltaru 0
lol^^^
yesiyes 0
looooll :D
banana_buddy 6
WAIT HAM ISN'T AN ANIMAL!?!??! Then how do u explain the flying roasted pig legs with giant devil horns that go MOOINK MOOINK in my back yard every night????
ljr1094 7
Bahahahahaha
robotnhi 0
You were right OP. Ham is from hamsters and pork are from pigs. Dont let those humans fool you.
Doortje 30
So you thought a ham was an animal? What did you think it looked like? What sound did you think it made?
PeteyPablo12308 20
Duh!!! Haven't you ever heard of the wild and rare 'ham-bone'? What a beautiful creature...
cmac86 24
my thoughts exactly!
bariforlife 0
hahaha
sandythongs 1
it could be harvested from manbearpig im super dooper serial
kiss_1214 17
Lol southpark ex vice prez algore or however you spell his name XD
NikkiRainbow63 31
Or OP could be a total sicko and think it came from hamsters... and now that I said that, holy shit those would have to be huge hamsters... xD
teentee401 37
247: His name is Al Gore. First name Al. Last name Gore.
Scottz 0
Th!!!! n DMBSS!!! PLRS TQMB MH DWEZ!!!
Doortje 30
Seriously?
ryanst 7
..I think I just lost brain cells from reading this.
YtotsDI 0
whhaaa? hfbg jhuhr hukctvvhkbg hhhhhhggh
thisgirl2u 9
wht th fck r y tryng t sy ??? Seriously, doesn't it take more effort to remove the vowels? Because it took far more effort for me to try to read your sentence, I truly do not understand this new epidemic.
shaaayyee 0
.....and your calling OP the dumbass? hah. wooooww.
amrik 11
bro learn to type!!
uffiewuffie 0
You are retarded
Ninjasaurus18 9
... I am sorry, but your dumbass answer is not valid. Go to kindergarten, and come back later.
lilny5613 10
What? Could you please repeat that? The only language I speak is English
asinforasin 1
I didn't even attempt to read this, and I'm normally pretty tolerant of bad grammar/spelling....
TheDrop 0
i want a pet doplin
InBetweenDreams 0
Yeah, everyone knows doplins are the most fantastic animals ever. :) I want one too.
PeteyPablo12308 20
What is a 'doplin'???
Troll1 0
a circumcised unicorn
TheDrop 0
a doplin is you. a foot looking creature
allmidnighteyes 11
No, that's Sarah Jessica Parker.
stitchedXDteddy 0
lol
vip3r20 8
are you in ms rods class? lmao just wondering
ScaryyMary 14
Actually, ham is a fruit. Haven't you ever driven past a ham farm and seen the inbred Republicans plucking the ripe, juicy, pink hams from the tallest trees? I can take you to one, it's such an inspiring sight. Afterward, we can go snipe hunting, I know a GREAT spot.
midnightsun123 2
Haha **** republicans xD
Dillonjjohnson 0
are you stupid? of course, probably voted for Nader
Frankinatore98 0
This comment just made my day, Democrat4lyfe :D
k246lol 0
lol
Ur1Temptazian 0
That's not FML...you're just an idiot!
mea_iloveskiing 26
Aww you thought it was part of a unicorn :) p.s. How do you think we get cheese? :D
idklalaalala 0
it grows on a bush...durrrrrrr
sneakysnake 0
You get cheese from cows...
matkeller 0
WHAT?! how come no one told me! sneakysnake you cheeky soul..
sneakysnake 0
Yeah, but #16 thinks that you get cheese from pigs
mea_iloveskiing 26
That's sad if you think so.
Spenerish 0
Don't mess with Texas! Remember the Alamo!
thew_fml 14
the texans lost at the alamo
archzinno 0
you remembered!
kprando25 8
iiCaptain, you sir are a bastard. I am a Texan and I scored top of my class on the standardized tests in fifth grade. I bet that's more than you can say.