Today, I met up with my ex-girlfriend for coffee. It’s been months, and I was planning on flexing on her with my new car. Turns out, she also got a new car, and it’s newer, cleaner, faster, and better on gas. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I agreed to meet my ex-girlfriend at our favorite restaurant with my hopes high. She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML
Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML
Today, I took my new girl out on a date after work. Ten minutes later, my ex-wife, her new boyfriend and my daughter showed up at the same restaurant and decided a double date would be fun. My ex lives an hour away. FML
Today, I was on a first date with this girl I've been talking to. I met her and she came with me so I could park my car in the student lot. On the way back, I saw a beat up car with its window duct taped up and exclaimed "Haha! Look at that piece of junk." It was her car. FML
Today, I borrowed my mom’s BMW to impress my new girlfriend. I'd told her that I owned an accounting firm, so I had to look the part. Today was also the day someone decided to rear-end us. That someone happened to be my boss at Burger King. Let’s just say, the cat’s out of the bag and I’m single now. FML
Today, I ran into an old friend of mine at the store. All was going fine, until she showed me her new fiancé. My now ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML
Today, I was on good terms with my ex, and I thought we were going to get back together. I let him use my car to go back to his place after being at mine. I checked the GPS log and saw a familiar address. I then found out he was using my car for booty calls with someone I considered a friend. FML
Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 35
"I was planning on flexing" Well, there go any and all chances you may have had to get even the smallest scrap of sympathy whatsoever.
Matthew Irmen 11
You should have flexed by being a nice guy and also paying for the coffee
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Comments (11)
Dave_Davington 35
"I was planning on flexing" Well, there go any and all chances you may have had to get even the smallest scrap of sympathy whatsoever.
Matthew Irmen 11
You should have flexed by being a nice guy and also paying for the coffee
Glowworm56 27
I had to look up what "flexing on her" means. Yeah, you deserve this so much.
RichardPencil 32
“The best revenge is living well*” *Unless your target is living better, in which case, you ain’t worth a shit.
BurnInDemonFire 39
And she doesn't use it to over-compensate for being a pathetic dick, either.
MitiMiki 16
Worrying about what kind of car people drive is just about as shallow as it gets. No wonder she dumped you.
acmariner99 25
Too bad, so sad, grow up.
TumblrweedPasses 11
Stop comparing your life and possessions to other peoples, why not just meet and try to rekindle 'flex on her' you sound 12 ffs, maybe she's looking to date a MAN not infant
YallDeservedItJk 22
I sympathize with you. I know what it’s like to want to impress someone but then to end up embarrassingly impressed by them. You should try to bond over the cars. Or **** in them. Or maybe not, that’s just where my mind goes...