Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML
Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML
Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML
Today, my daughter has been such a bridezilla that her fiancé actually dumped her. He treated her well, was handsome, and rich to boot, while still working at his career, yet she couldn’t calm down enough to see she was ruining her life. Now, after the breakup, she's moved back in with me. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
Today, it appears that when in high school I made one of those "If we're unmarried at 35, we should marry each other" deals. Well, this afternoon she turned up at my house. I'm not married, but I have a pregnant girlfriend. She claimed a girlfriend doesn't count so our promise is still binding. And yes, she had the crazy eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, I bumped into the bitchy mean girl who bullied me mercilessly throughout high school, leaving deep emotional scars. When I told my boyfriend who she was, he picked her up, carried her out of the store, and threw her into a puddle. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML
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Top comments
Brukernavn 0
Note to self: Don't marry while still a horny teenager.
escualida 0
YDI for marrying someone because of a threat... grow a pair!
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Comments (269)
grandma_moses 0
her threatening suicide alone is grounds for divorce, as it's a type of emotional abuse. file the papers and have her ass 5150'd.
HellHathNoFury85 0
I also know that if it were a man saying that in a relationship, it would be called mental and emotional abuse, control, manipulation, a life-threatening. ****** doesn't change that. any woman worth her air wouldn't ever say something like that.
powersticks 16
OMG HellHathNoFury! I know you from the chive!
HellHathNoFury85 0
Oh, hi! Check me out on ruminations dot com, too.
megapeyt 17
Great use of the 5150 code You a Van Halen fan by chance?
Chibi_Seme 0
We only have one life. If you're not happy with yours, change it.
LatinoHeat 0
Do not allow yourself to remain in a relationship where you are not happy. Cut your losses and move on. Sure, you invested alot of time and emotion into it, but such is life. If all else fails, one Clay Aiken roundhouse can easily drop your wife, allowing you to make a run for freedom.
perdix 31
Write a love note to your wife and sign it "Clay Aiken." Once a woman is loved by Clay Aiken, no other men matter and you will be free to pursue this other woman. Your wife will be so thrilled that she converted Clay Aiken back from gayness that she will probably help you move your stuff out to make room for Clay.
jonnymohio 2
You are not responsible for her actions. Get a divorce.
VaultDweller106 7
In sickness and in health ring a bell?
turiya04 0
If you want out of the marriage, get out. Sit down and have a talk with her. If she makes any suicidal or homicidal comments during the conversation, call the police and tell them about the history of suicidal threats, that you're concerned for her safety, but that you're leaving. If you do this in a calm and rational manner, she will likely be hospitalized for a few days, get some antidepressants, and get linked to a psychiatrist and psychologist for continuing care. Man up.
catastrophicsock 0
^THIS!!!!
NevaehGlass 0
What you said haha(: this is exactly what I was thinking!
knad 0
Get her some help and then get you a life you enjoy.
theeBeezWaXx 0
oh wow ... O.o
nypd613 0
YDI for being a pussy. marrying a girl just because she threatened... you obviously don't care about your own happiness
TooMuchXbox 0
be nice. its hard. Its easy to say that when you haven't had similar problems. But your point is still valid.
onnielief 4
You are such an idiot! How the hell did you let anyone blackmail you into marriage?I hope you are not planning on dragging any kids into this mess you've gotten yourself into? Ofcourse you could always have her institutionalized for the ridiculous paranoia she suffers from. . .
corgi 6
Next time she says she'll kill herself if you divorce her, say "You promise?" That IS domestic violence, by the way, even if she's never hit you. Threats like that are taken seriously by the court of law. You can get a restraining order, start dating this new girl, and live an enjoyable life. :)