Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML
Today, I was sole witness to an armed robbery. The police farted around so much while not letting me leave until they took my statement that I missed my own fucking wedding. I was in my suit, and literally begging to be allowed to leave. One even joked he was probably doing me a big favour. FML
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML
Today, I had a nightmare in which I murdered a store employee because the store wasn’t selling the item I wanted. I would never do that in real life, and now I feel extremely guilty for how I acted in my dream. FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML
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Top comments
Corrupt_waffles 13
And this is why, as a forensic scientist, I hate it when courts use eyewitnesses.....it's upsetting. Really. Just tell the courts that you no longer can remember what happened. Don't make crap up and say you still do. That's when innocent people are convicted.
alphaskater09 9
Say what happened in your dream and hopefully get to go to a mental institution and play in the foam room :D
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Comments (102)
Dogbite1313 5
I will say unless you've had to appear in court you don't always remember every detail, and they have found that within mins of something happening your brain will add unreal details. Such as you remembering someone's shirt or hair color incorrectly. Also as with most cases it has been months down the line since it happened it can be pretty easy to forget certain details.
Fezla 0
I say you should rim the judge
Enslaved 38
Ask to see the police report and re-read your statement.
fordman22 0
Blame eric cartman
Fezla 0
rim Eric Cartman
lonkite101 14
**** ALL OF YOU ******* PEOPLE DIE IN A ******* HOLE JACOB DESSO WANTS TO **** ANNA MIRCHELL
awebb21 7
When you get to court say that you don't remember what happend then say case dismissed bring in the dancing lobsters .
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Tell the court that, no matter how stupid you think it sounds. Hopefully there are other eyewitnesses that still remember.
fordman22 0
Boring! Blame some Gingers!
Brilliant66star 17
I hate to say it, but I don't think you stand a chance. Even within hours of the alleged crime, your testimony was flawed. Tell your lawyer ASAP & save an innocent from being wrongly convicted. This is NOT your fault, this one rests squarely on the shoulders of so-called 'justice'.
taytors 0
inception!