Today, I'm 8 months pregnant with a horribly sore back and an insensitive husband. I'm so desperate for relief that I'm lying on the couch, using my vibrator to give myself a back massage. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML
Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML
Today, I’m nine months pregnant and divorcing my husband. He’s been cheating for the past six months and blamed it on me for “lack of intimacy.” I’ve been hospitalized three times for this pregnancy thus far, so I'm sorry I’ve been sick growing a whole ass human! FML
Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremely selfish person, and that I don't love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a back rub in two weeks, sleep too much, and have a hormonal problem. Once again: I AM PREGNANT! FML
Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
jem970 19
He should be a good husband and take care of you.
tacojauns 45
Well on the plus side when your kid grows up and ask what that is (vibrator) you can honestly say a back massager
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Comments (110)
jem970 19
He should be a good husband and take care of you.
uhhSavage 22
I kinda wish I knew more details so I could decide if she really had it bad or is just a whiney bitch...
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Assholes like OP's husband makes us guys look bad!
Wizardo 34
Most definitely concur, the dicks always seem to represent the majority, whilst the majority aren't dicks.
iAlissa 34
Your husband impregnates you and then refuses to care for you? What a sweetheart.
FMLKitten 15
Hey, at least he didn't throw her out into the streets, 1000 miles away from your parent's house.
iammeorami 25
oh, the memories.....
rsunshine2020 13
He should definitely help, it takes two to make a baby and it takes just as many for the rest of the process
stillnotaredhead 10
My hubby never did anything for me either :( He would just say to stop complaining because I was the one that wanted to be pregnant so I have no right to complain about it.
Dilwann 27
Honestly, if your hubby didn't want you to get pregnant, you do deserve that. Forcing a child upon someone is an awful thing to do, and that goes both ways.
ZombieSazza 34
How do you know the husband "does t want a child"? Are you psychic or some shit? I wish people on this site wouldn't come to conclusions like this, it's ******* ridiculous!
HowieDoIt 21
59, calm down buddy. she said im her comment she was the one who wanted to get pregnant, it's implied he didn't, or else she wouldn't say what she did.
FML_Whale 18
61 - She never said who wanted the baby or not, and there's no implication whatsoever.
SApprentice 34
54- They could have been trying for a child, or it may have been an accident. Regardless, it takes two to tango, and creating a baby is always a risk you run when you have sex. She's not forcing it on her husband, because he would have already been aware of the risks when he had sex with her. Sure, there's a slim possibility that OP could have faked being on birth control or something of that sort, but the majority of people don't actually do that kind of thing. The only way that I could see him being morally exempt from being supportive of her and that child would be if the two of them had a prior agreement that they would not have children together. Otherwise, he's her husband, and it's time to take responsibility for what they have done. He can't just refuse to deal with it if there was no foul play involved and he was aware of the risks, or if he was aware that his wife would likely not be having an abortion should they accidentally make her pregnant.
iamshaffu 9
Way too long a reply dude. Way too long
BlitheNightmare 7
59- You're coming to the conclusion that the husband wanted the baby just the same as 54 came to the conclusion he didn't, there just isn't enough information. For all we know her husband just doesn't have time and OP percieves it the way she does, but again not enough info. All we can do is either hope OP replies with more info or we just trust what is said.
sonicgreg 12
Sounds like You got boned
Big_Money_27 7
You don't say!
Mjwnenrjs 17
That's ******* hilarious!! Hahaha
MrSassypants 34
Three terrible comments in a row. Hopefully I could be the fourth. Ummm.... that was a shaky situation! Get it? VIBRATORS SHAKE!
iAlissa 34
[insert crappy and irrelevant comment here]
iAlissa 34
I enjoy the site, and I shall continue to use it. Thanks for the input though. (:
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
[insert a compliment on how 42 looks very beautiful]
iAlissa 34
45 - you got me blushing and such.
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
How do you know you have a non-existent sex life? You hit on girls on FML stories. #WhatIsLife
kat33_fml 7
38 You get an up vote for your picture.
Catkam623 27
(I'm going to thread jack this because its turning into a bf ) see mom I told you that they were good for something.
SuperDanielNL 23
You sound very mature.
lolfood 24
Bacon tastes good
Big_Money_27 7
It's a pleasure devise no matter how you use it I guess!
sarah6786 14
op has a vibrator. She should use it instead of him until he gives her a massage.
spazz666 18
If OP's husband won't even give her a massage while she's pregnant, something tells me he might be the kind of person who doesn't even want to look at her let alone have sex with her.
tacojauns 45
Well on the plus side when your kid grows up and ask what that is (vibrator) you can honestly say a back massager
BntyHntrSeattle 30
But what if when he's/she's older and he/she shows the fancy "massage stick" to his/her friends O.o
Rumbelle_fml 22
#60, I'm sure by that point the kid will also be old enough to think "Oh, hey, this is shaped like a dick". If they're old enough to ask about vibrators, then they're old enough to know what a penis looks like.
chanellgymnast 17
This makes me feel so uncomfortable.
Whaaaaaat734 6
Good to know!
14avalentour 9
Is it because you do the same???
21jason 9
No her fridge would never get her pregnant! no matter how romantic it got.
spikekutter 9
im sorry beautiful, but if i were you i would get a professional massage..
wlddog 14
Sound advice indeed. I am sure the husband would not mind paying for it, and if a massage is done wrong it can actually induce her.
Bubbelz 25
Err - have you properly read the FML? Her husband would probably refuse to pay a dime as he doesn't give a crap.
mandapanda394 10
25- the place i get massages at advertises one done specially for pregnant women. so i'm sure they try their very hardest to not induce.
gilbertclarence 9
just watch the feet. certain areas if you press long enough will induce her. I'm a massage therapist.
StupidBunnies 10
Not too much longer and you've got a screaming child as well as an insensitive husband!
iAlissa 34
Exactly... Poor OP will have her work cut out for her.
The_F3rris 11
Who will probably yell at you when your kid cries for even a second.
tw416 6
You could invent the muti-tool vibrator, back massager the possibilities are endless...
ladyvidel 19
They have one. It's called a Hitachi Magic Wand. :-)
ulquiorra102 10
Well that's...good to know? XD
ComoEsJuan 24
I think a nice husband works better.