Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet Shih Tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML
Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML
Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML
Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML
Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML
Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML
Today, I tried to use a fancy new hairstyling tool and ended up getting my hair tangled in it. I had to cut a chunk of my hair off to free myself. FML
Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML
Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML
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Top comments
iseyixes 18
Your name makes this perverted!
SApprentice 34
I don't think your average groomer wants to help get that kind of knot out.
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Comments (78)
SApprentice 34
I don't think your average groomer wants to help get that kind of knot out.
perdix 31
#1, you'd be surprised. Your average dog groomer "expresses anal glands" all day, so their tolerance for the disgusting is quite impressive.
SApprentice 34
Oh, I know. My fiancé was a dog groomer for a few years. I thought I was going to die from laughter when I saw the expression on my mother's overweight dachshund's face as he gently gave her a hand back there during one of her grooming sessions. Generally though, it's the vets who handle doggy semen extraction, is it not? Or the pet owners themselves?
dota_pwnage 7
So today I totally got blue balled when my masters friend started tugging on my knotty places... FML.
lambda_fml 40
Seems the dog found his bone. ;-)
iseyixes 18
Your name makes this perverted!
Keevarou 17
What is perverted is relative, in some places ********** is acceptable ^^
S182 15
I think it was already in a bad place when she grabbed the dogs genitals....
Pandarawrxx 4
It really does if you ask me lol
cheertrombonist 9
but no one is asking you..
stuner56 22
His hair isn't the only that is long ;)
GuessWhatKids 13
I think you a word.
supportcommand 17
Ya she definitely a word.
dathan 14
What are talking about?
TheDog6 24
Guys, I confused.
Bluekaren16 19
Was it a red rocket or pink crayon?
iAlissa 34
^ That's just a guess though.
skittlestrailmix 14
I know it was a South Park reference and you're probably really disappointed that no one appreciated it.
Bubbelz 25
I appreciated it ;o
Bluekaren16 19
Hmm no not really disappointed. And I thought I got it from urban dictionary but now I remember thanks!
Capt_Oblivious 10
Knot the right thing to be grabbing
yankfan89 27
Dogs have needs too.
perdix 31
Keep "grooming" him for a few more mintues and you'll have a friend for life ;)
desoto96 9
Ah yes mans best friend, especially when you groom their knots.
katties 27
One of my moms friend had one of those smaller, all-crooked-teethed, bulldog-looking dogs. It liked to lie on the floor on his stomach with his legs stretching behind him. Once my mom was scratching his tail with her toes when her friend asked what he was doing. She said: "scratching his tail". Her friend said "he has no tail...". My mom had been scratching his butt hole...
TheAbstract 15
I cannot express how much I enjoyed this story.
vbmg152 19
And....????
iAlissa 34
Congratulations, you've earned the 'Irrelevant Comment of the Day' award.
katties 27
Not much. Just an awkward little story this FML reminded me of. Posted it here in hope that anyone would appreciate it.
TheAbstract 15
Unfortunately your story was received by sarcastic asshats. I am among them. Don't take our douchebaggery to heart though. We're just teasing you. :)
Grant116 1
lmao
whY402Jay 12
Red rocket... Do you watch South Park?
iffy 20
Oh you grabbed a knot alright, just not the fur one
HeavyWeaponsGuy 21
sounds knotty, I'm sorry, I'll show myself out.