Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML
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Top comments
CoolCookie210 22
That's disappointing. On the bright side, now you can gossip to your friends about how awful it was.
betweenwinds 18
Let him brag to his friends this once (embarrassing him won't help anything), but also let him know that you heard and now expect his performance to (eventually) match up to his boasts. He'll improve with some practice. ;)
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Comments (98)
TMWhisp 22
It's okay to crymax, brown bear.
Lalala579121 28
Is this some Scubs fanfiction I'm not aware of?
TMWhisp 22
No, it's a quote from the show itself, not some 14 year old's fan fiction.
im_a_black_guy 10
I don't think 14 year olds would even know about scrubs
Lalala579121 28
I don't remember the line specifically. I guess that's enough of an excuse to watch the entire show again.
christopherwilli 14
Why exactly did he cry? Was it sadness or was he happy?
DaRito 25
He was probably really, really embarrassed by his premature ejaculation.
lexiieeex3 32
If he's gonna lie to his friends he should at least tell you about it first jeeze I'm sorry OP.
Bricktothehead 21
Practice makes perfect!
strawberrydreams 18
What an asshat. The next time he tries to show off to his friends like that, you should tell him to not to touch you until he prove to you what he boasted.
Alorithan 16
How can he prove it if he cant touch her?
JewKnowIt 19
That's why it's important to **********. So you last longer than 30 seconds. Sorry about that happening OP :/
Roxas_hearts 27
I always thought masturbating made you finish quicker
TheNewGuy03 29
I find that beating my dick has the opposite effect, at least mentally. I would just rather have the real thing regularly.
captainsmegma 12
It is all perspective. Maybe to him that was a damn good pounding.
cheshireau 26
I would have said, who did you make cum 3 times because it sure as hell wasn't me.
strawberrydreams 18
I would've said you need a good pounding on the head for lying about the both of us
9a_1z 12
On the bright side, it can only get better! First times are normally pretty crappy because (despite what certain romance novels may say) without all that sexual experience you're just a pair of baby birds trying to take flight and flapping aimlessly and falling into things instead. Hold on to this memory for an amusing story to tell when you're all old and jaded.
trucker2 33
Golden rule, one should never kiss and tell.