Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML
Sexy talk
Today, I spent the night with my guy, who I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back, he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML
Today, I finally spent the night with a new guy after recently ending a 3-year toxic relationship. The new guy disappeared for 2 hours in the middle of the night, then came back to bed. Turns out he was busy snogging my housemate. I really choose them well. FML
Today, I was lying in bed listening to my neighbors have loud, and what sounded like, enjoyable sex. My boyfriend rolled over and said, "she sounds like fun" before rolling back over and going to sleep. It's been four months. FML
Reconsidering things…
Today, I went to visit my ex to tell him that we couldn't hang out anymore, since I'm becoming serious with a new guy. He picked me up, tossed me on his bed and had his way with me. It was amazing, so much better than with the new guy. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Silver linings
Today, my boyfriend and I were in the middle of great sex when he suddenly called out his ex's name. Just before I decided to yell at him and throw him out of my room, I realised he performed better when he yelled her name. So, I let him. FML
Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML
Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML
Booming
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Top comments
chefajhatter 1
You deserve it... You should have stopped fooling around with him when you found out he was into someone else.
jem1991 0
friends with benefits five! (scrubs reference)
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Comments (109)
a1c1od21do 0
new flame. hm. the hell is that term
Mykeh 0
New flame. Kinda like a crush but you're actually seeing the person.
Sodahpop 0
new love
GoHomeCookRice 0
dam that sucks for u.....break up with him lolz
jem1991 0
friends with benefits five! (scrubs reference)
Logan_Sylar 0
High Fives :)
kandy_fml 0
Love the Scrubs reference. Anyhow, that sucks. But I guess it's better than him calling out her name while having sex with you...
DQFEdits 7
Best show ever!
chefajhatter 1
You deserve it... You should have stopped fooling around with him when you found out he was into someone else.
5bye7 0
oh fuckiing witty you are with your stupid teenage vocabulary. **** you, and this stupid generation
ohhhhshizzz 0
Get over yourself.
kimfosho 0
if you don't like the generation we're in then why do you bother staying alive in it?
penizulaface 0
go die and eat penis you penis
hi5534 3
#84, totaly epic!!!!!
QuirkyCorgiLove 8
Lol I find your comment amusing as you are bashing on OP for a new term yet you can't even spell. Clearly, you're a jackass.
fuglyhos 0
haha u shoulda gone on top and started humping him....
Jerhel 2
Shouldn't be with him in the first place.
New_York_fml 0
Yeah he convinced you they were no longer an "Item". It's so easy to fool women into thinking we don't have more than 1 women in our lives. Why have 1 when u can have 2 or 3...maybe 4. When they are no use to you just break em off like a kit-kat bar.
justmyluck1212 0
#8 ur the definition of a dick
_cheeseballs 0
You're going to end up a sad lonely old man. Probably with your dick cut off. one day a woman you really like is going to do that to you and you're going to get ******* hurt. and we're all going to laugh when we see your fml story on here.
mudkip_fml 0
#12 amen to that.
dizzyyy 0
#8... The sad part is how men must lie while us women will tell you that we are 'dating' other men. =) Most men are very basic and too worried about competition that you don't realize that you're being played, all the while paying for our dinners and our sparkling gifts. Trust me, by the time you're breaking one of us off like a kit kat bar, we've already been long bored with your simple game. So next time you're playing the game and breaking a poor little lady off ask yourself if her shocked heartbreak is oozing with sarcasm or not... I do agree with #9 though...
t_a_s_h_11 0
Well first of not all Women are that stupid. Most of them know it's going, we just don't let on. Second, you must find the mentally disabled ones who can't see through your smoke and mirrors. Third get a life, you're pretty pathetic to play women like that. You must be really bored. People like you are lonely, by choices of course, and it's okay that you have a really small penis and need a different women every night to make it feel bigger, that's just how pathetic you are. There's no such thing as stupid opinions, just stupid people
spitball1074 2
Ouch! The harsh truth.
New_York_fml 0
Just going to clear a few this up for those dum guys our there. Women are not your property. You do not own women so having one women in your life and expecting her not to cheat on you is just stupid. You can't control other peoples actions. You may try your best to prevent these actions but people will say one this and do another. No i don't have a small penis btw, i dunno how guys with small dicks have the confidence to be with more than one woman. I can afford to have more than one partner because I am young and living my life and still looking for that right girl. Being young means having fun and living your life to the fullest not wasting your life for some other person to be happy. Once im married its a totally different story, because I will look back and see how much fun i had and when im with my wife i would not dare think of cheating on her.
New_York_fml 0
Excuse the few spelling errors i just noticed ^ typing on my phone. Just because i know I'll get harassed by the grammar police.
t_a_s_h_11 0
Just because your young doesn't mean women don't have feelings. You may not think of it, but someone could fall for you. Not say anything, but fall for you none the less, then you do that. It would destroy her. She won't trust anyone again. It could ruin someone's life, that's why I get offensive like that, because it could ruin someone. People don't think of it like that, but one little action can determine someone's present and future. Don't think I don't think she deserved it a bit, because she did it to herself, but an unsuspecting person, who doesn't know about anyone else, then they find out or get dumped. Think before you act, being young isn't an excuse. You don't have to listen to me, but its true.
whatastory 0
testing
ducttape89 0
#8, hell yea
FDXCpinballwiz 0
#8, ur my hero =)
desertkitt 0
And when you find that woman you want to marry, New York, you're going to find out that not only does she have an e-harmony account and her morning coffee isn't with Tasha, it's with Steve the hot accountant from Pennsylvania, but she's secretly been sleeping with your friend, hitting up a regular at the bar, and toying with a new executive at the branch she's working at. When you're a douche, it comes back around. Life's not all easy and you don't get to pick the perfect woman and then expect her to be happy with the life you led. And believe me, when you use women like you say you do, she'll know. And for the OP- WHY are you still with that guy, and why would you go back if he was playin you to begin with? Once a cheater always a cheater. He's obviously so not worth your time, love, or thoughts. Get a better guy, who is loyal.
Mykeh 0
#8, way to win over the ladies buddy! A few have posted back saying that they want to cut your manjewels off. But I'll agree that what you say applies to some people in life.
t_a_s_h_11 0
I totally agree #70 Karma is a bitch
justmyluck1212 0
Wow comparing women to kit-kats then trying to defend yourself by preaching to men that women are not proper to elicit sympathy. Brag about the size of your penis to someone who cares you confused misogynistic prick... & don't pull the feminist shit on me..
justmyluck1212 0
Property*
Mykeh 0
#70, Sadly for him I don't think he'll ever want to settle down with somebody. Some people are too in love with themselves to love someone else. He will probably be one of those people that you should always watch out for.
sirfuzzitoes 0
YDI. Don't put yourself in that type of situation with relationships. That's some funny shit #8. you're crazy.
Existantia 0
Well said Frivolous!! It's like why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?!?!? I'm all like "You can't get MY milk just like that!" and he's all "no problem baby, I'll buy the cow" and I'm all "ohhh I dunno! You'll be waiting well past the expiration date!!" and he's all "ohhhh noooo noooo, I want your milk!!! I've waited so long for it, I will enjoy every sip!" and I'm all like "you may buy my milk, Sir."
maggy_fml 0
psh you're probably one of those losers that can't get a girl so you exaggerate online. pathetic really
stlcards220 4
#8 go **** urself. After saying something like that, its the only action you'll get
cyberhoy 3
all you guys bad mouthing 8 are just jealous what kind of guy wouldn't want multiple women the only problem is that it takes a very special guy to actually pull it off and not many of us possess the necessary qualities to do it
amazingkate 0
???
amazingkate 0
aa haha! you sound so laaame!
kingbeau 0
#26.. That sounds just as bad as what #8 said.... Possibly worse since its said with malice aforethought and careful planning while #8 is just an ignorant dumbfuck who stumbles through relationships like a bull in a china shop (not exactly, since bulls can actually get around quite well in a china shop according to mythbusters, but you get the idea....)
ChrmnMa0 0
Obviously his dick worked for her
miso1337 0
lmao so #8 is comparing women to a kit-kat? okay here: break them off like kit-kats, then, soon enough you run out of peices, that shit goes right to your thighs, now your an alone, fat ****** with nothing better to do than wish for another kit kat. because u were a greedy, obese asshole, u've ruined not only your life, but the lives of the others retarded enough to fall for you, have fun being alone for the majority of your life, because you spend more time being old than you do being young...
deddica33 0
haha, i dated an asshole like you #8. and i hope someday you play a girl like me..with a big family, a big CRAZY family. i hope you play a girl like me with a brother crazy enough to go to jail for his baby sister who got hurt by some asshole guy.
flex_able 0
LOL!!!!
StealthStorm67 0
Please dude, don't flatter yourself. He's probably bluffing.
mtull08 0
Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar
obri98 10
Bwaha like a kit Kat bar xD I think u were just kidding about this comment..
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
Not gonna lie... You walked right into that one.
Sunsh1ne 0
That definitely sucks, but YDI for putting up with on-again off-again bullshit. He's either with you or he's not, and even if he is with you now, you knew damn well that he was with someone else during your off-again.