Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I discovered the hard way that training in martial arts means nothing when the thug harassing your wife at the bar has a mate stood behind you ready, willing, and able to kick you square in the balls with a toe-capped work boot while you’re getting into your correct fighting stance. FML
Today, I learned that kicking an armed mugger's ass is something that only happens in movies, and that brass knuckles are really fucking painful. FML
Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML
Today, my toxic daughter learned that yelling at a biker chick won’t just get her an argument, it will get her several broken bones and a concussion. The FML is that I now have to take care of her with her broken leg for six weeks. I hate her; she’s such a bitch to everyone. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I asked a girl from class out. Not only did she say, "Ew, no way, never, creepo!", but four hours later her boyfriend, who I didn't know about, threatened me with a gun if I ever even looked at his girl again. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Something tells me that she was the one giving the orders in bed.
jobo50123 3
Why didn't you just call her back?
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Comments (103)
bubo_fml 11
Are you sure it was a chick after such a quick, hit it & quit it, 1 nite stand? Sounds like you may end up like that blonde twink on the back of Toecutter's motorcycle in Mad Max!!
bubo_fml 11
Sounds like she's pretty manly...Watch out dude, or you may wind up like that blonde twink on the back of Toecutter's motorcycle in the Mad Max movie!
GuitarGod66six 0
I think chicks who are bigger and stronger than me are hot:/
ltsune 3
Whatever you did, I feel like you deserve this. Sorry OP.
goneblue 3
Why wouldn't you call her back? Douche. Deserved
Isa_fml 20
Assault. Call the cops.
queenb1621 21
Dude shes a biker chick don't you know better not to date them?
retardslo 0
You don't **** with her!
VioletPotter57 1
Scary
swimagirl4321 15
You shouldn't haven't exchanged numbers