Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I discovered the hard way that training in martial arts means nothing when the thug harassing your wife at the bar has a mate stood behind you ready, willing, and able to kick you square in the balls with a toe-capped work boot while you’re getting into your correct fighting stance. FML
Today, I learned that kicking an armed mugger's ass is something that only happens in movies, and that brass knuckles are really fucking painful. FML
Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML
Today, my toxic daughter learned that yelling at a biker chick won’t just get her an argument, it will get her several broken bones and a concussion. The FML is that I now have to take care of her with her broken leg for six weeks. I hate her; she’s such a bitch to everyone. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I asked a girl from class out. Not only did she say, "Ew, no way, never, creepo!", but four hours later her boyfriend, who I didn't know about, threatened me with a gun if I ever even looked at his girl again. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Something tells me that she was the one giving the orders in bed.
jobo50123 3
Why didn't you just call her back?
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Comments (103)
wriptidez 0
dont do a one nite stand STDs
Nikelopez 11
Only in Texas
xlil_miss_emo_x 6
Sounds like something that would happen if they re-created The Hangover or some other comedy. I could see that being the best scene of the whole movie too... Anyways fyl op hopefully she doesn't randomly pop up and kick your ass again or multiple times...
says_sweet 0
Sweet.
saturnsonic 3
those kind of women are Hot!! i would have called her back ;-)
Gemmy_44 7
I think putting your dick in someone means a next-day phone call just to say "hey, thanks for the sex," isn't asking too much, unless you were too drunk to remember anything or both of you agreed you're just in it for the minute and no follow-up necessary.
allyouneedis9 7
If you aren't going to call her back now, you should let me get her number. She sounds amazing. Lol
JokeMeister 0
must have been desperate! YOU, I mean.
forgotten2long 5
That's why you never **** with a chic that threatens that dip shit
loserman67 36
WOW, I feel sorry for you that you are that hard up for some poontang. When the chick you're slipping it to is bigger than you, you asking for trouble. Just wondering, did she ever take the Marlboro from her lips as you bumped ugly with her?