Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML
Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML
Today, I discovered the hard way that training in martial arts means nothing when the thug harassing your wife at the bar has a mate stood behind you ready, willing, and able to kick you square in the balls with a toe-capped work boot while you’re getting into your correct fighting stance. FML
Today, I learned that kicking an armed mugger's ass is something that only happens in movies, and that brass knuckles are really fucking painful. FML
Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML
Today, my toxic daughter learned that yelling at a biker chick won’t just get her an argument, it will get her several broken bones and a concussion. The FML is that I now have to take care of her with her broken leg for six weeks. I hate her; she’s such a bitch to everyone. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I asked a girl from class out. Not only did she say, "Ew, no way, never, creepo!", but four hours later her boyfriend, who I didn't know about, threatened me with a gun if I ever even looked at his girl again. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Something tells me that she was the one giving the orders in bed.
jobo50123 3
Why didn't you just call her back?
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Comments (103)
MickMitch 0
Y would u want to anyways
mekaylahm 0
Lol I would have bounced and not given out any personal information .....im srry man
monkeybanana 7
That's baddd really bad lol
mattgallien27 0
hi monkeybanana!
Souners 3
YDI for getting beat up by a chick.
sweetkitty26 0
You slept with that .. Thing? You sorta deserve it bc she's prob manlier than you and for choosing that low but she didn't have to beat up your ass. It's sorta like you've slept with another man.. Yikes ):
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Wow, you're a total ********.
lindsey1023420 5
Pretty sure having a ****** usually qualifies someone as being female. I think you're the confused one.
shadexilmaendu 4
Wow, you're a dick. Pierced, tattooed chicks are hot.
shemjaza 1
Damn right. This guy is a clear YDI for wasting a perfectly good biker chick up for lots of sex.
morganwazhere11 9
Aww maybe u should hire some body guards cuz I don't think this chick is ganna stop
MJangel18 2
I would have called her back
RdRadkie 2
I vote you continuously have one night stands with her, you avoid conflict and get laid!
rogerusmc23 0
it wouldn't be a one night stand if it was continuous.
RdRadkie 2
Sure it is! Go there, bang, go home. And rinse repeat tomorrow! Just avoid conversation. And maybe work out in the meantime
Jacobt24 19
This is a reply to the wron comment. I edited it
rogerusmc23 0
the point of a one night stand is that it only lasts one night.
humorizer 14
^ You should read up on the "point" of this thing called a "joke".
Jdeluxh 12
I think YDI for sleeping with a "stereotypical biker chick" in the first place.
RdRadkie 2
Maybe he likes em rough! And manly in figure?
stroudie94 9
Dyke looking biker chicks need live too!