FML for mobile
Free

Open in app
FMyLife
monkeycannon7 Woodbridge, United States

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

115

Collection

Fall

Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

Cad6 24

Did the toothpick scribe any interesting symbols in your mouth? If you look in the mirror, The following phrase might be written in your blood: YDI.

bwhahaha_fml 10

Go take your shirt off with a toothpick in your mouth and find out :)

Add a comment · Reply to

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Sign in Create my account

Comments (115)

Tyler199327 0

Stupid ass hole

snowboarder531 5

How is he an asshole? It was an honest mistake douchebag.

HeroOfHyrule 0

What happened that was so bad that you 'learned the hard way'?

bwhahaha_fml 10

Go take your shirt off with a toothpick in your mouth and find out :)

iiTsAJ 5

He probably stabbed his gum while is shirt was coming off

thejewishfuhrer 17

Take a wild guess...

HeroOfHyrule 0

Stupid FML. This was my original comment, then I realized I hated it, changed it to something else, and now it changed back and I'm stuck with a stupid comment. Great.

hellbilly205 17

It never hurts to be cautious OP. I really hope i spelt that right -_-

thisiscat 14

What I'm wondering is what would the easy way to learn that be..?

Meettitan 14

Am I the only one who envisioned the toothpick going into OPs eye?

metalwolf 17

40- The easy way would be watching OP while this happened.

Soloman212 28

Or simply reading about it on FML.

SydMadrid 0

Are you like friggin stupid or something? For realz. Wat do you think happened dumbass?

boydeee01 7

96 is a perfect example of someone who can't spell, and tries to call someone stupid.

Rowdey 10

YDI for wearing clothes.

GreenElephant 0

Epic. You are epic.

False_Stupidity 42

I'm not sure #2 why don't you take a stab at it and find out.

Cad6 24

Did the toothpick scribe any interesting symbols in your mouth? If you look in the mirror, The following phrase might be written in your blood: YDI.

SkoomaKi 28

You know what's worse than a toothpick cutting your gums? Imagine putting a toothpick under your big toe so its sticking out and then kicking a wall. *shudders*

yankfan89 27

Or the symbols could mean dumbass once OP deciphers them.

Cad6 24

#14 - Thank you for enlightening me with your wonderfully graphic image. Now I'm scared to walk around my house with fear of sharp objects sticking out of the wall.

SkoomaKi 28

#19 - You're so very welcome! Just try not to imagine the sharp wood slicing and ripping the skin underneath your toe ^.^

Cad6 24

I tried to not imagine that. I failed.

Grimmerie 31

I imagined it and popped twenty boners.

Heinousness 0

SkoomaKi, why do you keep putting gruesome scenes in the minds of the innosent (check spelling)? I will be haunted by those scenes for the rest of my life

SkoomaKi 28

49 - No one is innocent. If I have to live with it, so do you!

SkoomaKi 28

54 - Yummm... I remember I had a piece of ripped skin at the top of my finger. I pulled it quickly and it teared all the way down my finger.

bre_the_boss 0

Why in the he'll would you put a toothpick between your toes? That much toe jam? Smh -.-

Heinousness 0

SkoomaKi- innocent people in my mind are those who are virgins, never masturbated, or younger than 10. In my mind, there are innocent people Still, I will have nightmares for the rest of my life(I get scared easily)

Bigbrodza 3

Kicking the wall would hurt. Although I'm not sure what putting the toothpick under you big toe would do, unless you mean putting it under your toenail... Otherwise, it'd stay patiently on the ground while you stub your toes. :/

BobbyBoss 10

Oh god ???

Nwthatzfunny 9

you should have knew that

OhDearBetrayal 25

Oh god the grammar, it burnsssssss

SkoomaKi 28

18 - .* You forgot the full stop!

OhDearBetrayal 25

31- The grammatical mistakes of today are never-ending, which is why the burning sensation that I described doesn't have a period to signify relief.

SkoomaKi 28

37 - Very true my friend. For some reason, I find your comment very beautiful.

OhDearBetrayal 25

39- That is probably the sweetest reply I have ever gotten on an FML comment. You should be proud because I'm sure even OP is smiling with his pierced mouth.

SkoomaKi 28

42 - The sweetest? I feel privileged then! I'm sure OP is.

ladyLALAA 29

37, sounds like you have a UTI, you probably get a daughter to check that!

nofearjenshere 12

^ A doctor might also help too.

bre_the_boss 0

Hillbilly -.- lolol

eeppiicc 8

Attack of the killer toothpick! Epic movie title

challan 19

Best profile I've ever stalked lol

Heinousness 0

Stalked? FTW!!!

TrentF13 12

I've seen that!!! It's. Bunch of people watching a tire with binoculars and the tire goes around blowing shit up with its telekinetic powers! SO COOL!! (though, I feel sorry for the glass bottle in the beginning) kaput...

onlythetruth_fml 0

Epic movie title if you're a 4th grader.

madelinebriana 11

I'm curious as to know what actually happened...

KiddNYC1O 22

You know the feeling when you mistakenly bite your tongue? Something similar I suppose.

LSS_fml 18

Oops I just thought it meant they ripped their shirt!

SweetPerfectionn 3

Mother of God.. That's terrible. I HATE IT when I bite my tongue by mistake.

ddlovatolover 23

OP, who gave you the bright idea to try that? I've never tried it before but I can already foresee the danger.

Tyler199327 0

Fagget

br0ccoli 15

Nothing like an auto-pierced lip ring to show the world what a badass you are. Friend: "cool lip ring!" OP: "oh you mean this old thing? I did it myself" friend:"what did you do it with?" OP: "...a needle, while I was meditating in the Himalayas. (._. )"

Heinousness 0

I thought you couldn't read(check out 'the Chosen One FML. Click NoorFML's post and scroll down. You should see br0ccoli's comments. One of them says and I quote[as best as I can] one problem: I can't read) I found that funny and had to bring it up. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

br0ccoli 15

61- lol! Great memory! It's true. I can't read, I have a specially trained monkey that types and reads for me. He knows what to type by the type of treat I give him. He's such a good monkey, although I question how he has enough money to buy a pimped out Mercedes monkey bicycle o.O Ps: I thumb'd you up :)

Heinousness 0

Thank you, br0ccoli :). Ah, that was funny. Tell the monkey that he makes perfect sense in why you can't read(this Acually isn't sarcasm, no matter what you think).

Bigbrodza 3

That's soooo cool!!! I wish I had a monkey like that! All I have is text-to-speech software, and speech-to-text... :'( Where'd you get it?

Heinousness 0

She probably went to Monkeys R Us... Or the amazon...

br0ccoli 15

98-I got him from the animal shelter under the 'exotic' section. I knew he was the one when I saw him reading a dictionary in the corner of his cage. 103: monkeys R us was out of small monkeys that day

Cad6 24

Be happy you didn't do it with a knife.

honeybeebre16 3

-no hard food for you for awhile =/ sorry buddy.!