The Seamstress
Irving, United States
Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Bad at life
Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML
monkeycannon7
Woodbridge, United States
Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML
Anonymous
United States
Sticky
Today, I thought I was clever for doing my laundry while multitasking and making dinner. When I went to transfer my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I discovered that I'd accidentally washed a pack of gum that was in my pocket. The gum had melted into my favorite shirt, and I now have a sticky mess to deal with. FML
dumbbb
United States
Great idea
Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML
LaurenLehmmman
United States
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Anonymous
Toronto, Canada
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
shoeaddiikt
Australia
Smurf mouth
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
stupidteacher
Guiyang, China
Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML
foxyreegan
United States
Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML
dumbblonde
United States
Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
Top comments
pro_panda_ganda 10
That's not an FML - that's a Darwin award in the making.
RinoaHeartilly 36
That should have been obvious.
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Comments (12)
RememberSchlitz 9
Oh, I can still odd with the best of them but after reading this FML I can, sadly, no longer even.
jessicasoho 13
Do you chew like a T-rex?
cheshireau 26
Did you think you could?
RinoaHeartilly 36
That should have been obvious.
RichardPencil 32
Do you chew on pins or try to hold up a hem with gum?
pro_panda_ganda 10
That's not an FML - that's a Darwin award in the making.
RichardPencil 32
What about walking? Can you walk and hold pins at the same time?
WeirdUS 30
What about sharp pointing things in your mouth while chewing ever sounded like a good idea? Darwin award or episode for 1000 ways to die in the making.
Gwengreen 6
Guess common sense isn't common...
Exaspera 55
OP here. I can't believe this got published! I quit smoking awhile ago and chew Nicorette. I had gotten into the habit of pinning seams and holding the pins in between my lips as they are easier to grab. I kind of forgot about that when chewing the gum, hence a 'sticky' mess to toss away without injury thankfully. *sigh*
notafoot 8
Please don't hold pins in your mouth when you sew! They're surprisingly easy to inhale if you unexpectedly sneeze or something, especially if they have small heads – you may not even realise you've done it if you're distracted or concentrating on something else – and they can cause serious damage once they're inside, AND they can be extremely difficult to retrieve even if they don't do any harm. Pin cushions that strap to your wrist are super helpful for keeping them easily accessible.