Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML
Today, I told someone “You too” when they'd said “Sorry for your loss” after I'd mentioned that I recently lost my dog to cancer. I realized what I'd said immediately and tried to fix it by talking more, which somehow made it worse. FML
Today, I overheard my coworkers talking about how someone has been stealing lunches from the office fridge. Feeling guilty, I admitted that I took a sandwich yesterday, thinking it was free. Turns out, they were joking to see who’d confess. FML
Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML
Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML
Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML
Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML
Today, my sister accused me of hacking into her phone because I helped her connect to a WiFi network a while ago, and she'd completely forgotten about it. I only found that out when my mom accidentally leaked it to me. FML
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Top comments
somela 0
YDI and you suck I hope your family puts you up for adoption, so you know how your dog felt
studentwoes 2
Don't you watch TV?? Of course you never confess!
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Comments (86)
huskycheer2015 0
And you didnt even think for a minute that maybe the family loved the dog and it was just ur own selfish actions that u were thinking all about your self. You are cold hearted and SELFISH! What did the dog do to u that was so bad that the rest of the family didn't want to get rid of he dog. When you say its the "family" dog does that mean the dog wasn't really yours? Like it was your sister and her imidiate family or that it was your and your boyfriend or husbands and your child's dog and you got rid of it? Yikes. Get yourself checked for brain tumor
meorz 0
Mate your a *******, did YOU ever stop and think that dog may have caused a lot of problems therefore the OP felt inclined to have to give it away, regardless if the family loving it. How the **** would it be selfish if the dog was destructive and/or costing to much money?
SolluxCaptor3589 15
It would be selfish because from the sounds of it he didn't tell the other owners of the dog, if the dog was s family dog and you had to tell the kids he ran away that's fine but if you tell your spouse the same thing, especially if they assisted in paying for the animal! This fml is in no way earning any sympathy from me, I hope it comes back around to bit you in the ass op!
Elendil_fml 10
You gave the family dog away without telling anyone? YDI for being an asshole.
oxrox 0
**** you! Animals have feelings too!
DameGreyWulf 1
Who's to say the dog didn't go to a nice family? I mean, yeah OP's an ass, but the dog's not necessarily screwed. The family is for sure, but perhaps not the dog.
polico_wolf 0
Why did you give away the dog? http://www.ideservedit.tk is a website you should be posting this on.
Sacrilege 0
Lying usually crawls back to bite you in the ass. Sucks, huh?
Emarati 0
I hate you, Op
DiegoCacho 0
BITCH... >:( hahaha you totally deserve it
thighsofglory 0
Maybe he got fed up with being the only one who looks after the beloved family pet.
SolluxCaptor3589 15
DOSENT excuse this behaviour. If this was the case he could have sat down with his/her family and figured it out not give the animal away
Karhu 0
you terrible person! shame on you! *most angriest smiley you can imagine*
eeemtastick 0
You're a heartless bitch.