Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML
Today, I told someone “You too” when they'd said “Sorry for your loss” after I'd mentioned that I recently lost my dog to cancer. I realized what I'd said immediately and tried to fix it by talking more, which somehow made it worse. FML
Today, I overheard my coworkers talking about how someone has been stealing lunches from the office fridge. Feeling guilty, I admitted that I took a sandwich yesterday, thinking it was free. Turns out, they were joking to see who’d confess. FML
Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML
Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML
Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML
Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML
Today, my sister accused me of hacking into her phone because I helped her connect to a WiFi network a while ago, and she'd completely forgotten about it. I only found that out when my mom accidentally leaked it to me. FML
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Top comments
somela 0
YDI and you suck I hope your family puts you up for adoption, so you know how your dog felt
studentwoes 2
Don't you watch TV?? Of course you never confess!
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Comments (86)
drkwlf 0
Well obviously.. common sense you guilty bastard. :3
studentwoes 2
Don't you watch TV?? Of course you never confess!
_Noon_ 0
White667 0
Yeah, my first thought xD
_Noon_ 0
Hey, my comment said 'I love TV wisdom'.. Wonder why it's blank now :S
moneypenny_fml 0
**** you for giving away the poor dog. asshole
jonnyplayzaguita 0
your stupidthe first thing you say is, "whatdid you know that i did?"
LACandyshop 0
you. are a total ********
zendaddy0 0
I leave the computer on when I'm in the bathroom so it burns when I pee
taylove23 1
learn how to hold the water.
Itasan 0
Remember to never confess what you did unless someone actually says it.
nazooer 11
That's what the FML says, dumbass
somela 0
YDI and you suck I hope your family puts you up for adoption, so you know how your dog felt
meorz 0
Because a dogs life is really as worthy as a human isnt it.
sharon_ellj 0
Yes.
Anis30 0
Actually it's more worthy given that animals don't do the kind of horrible things humans do (ie: Child abuse, murder, wars in the name of religion, etc)
digibenho 0
well... i once saw a dog killing a smaler one... i would qualify this as a murder... and dogs are always having sex... sometimes with human legs... i would qualify this as an abuse...
dubbadee123 5
yup it is worth more
angeluv_2014 22
Everybody on this stream is ******* retarted. For one, the "family dog" could have been annoying as ****. And for two, not all humans do horrible things- some of them do really ******* great things and sone dogs DO do horrible things- including attacking people. And a ******* dog's life more valuable than a humans??? Are you all ****** in the head? Are you telling me that if you only had time to save a dog or a child from getting hit by a car, you would save the ******* dogs? On the off chance that the child may grow up to do horrible things and of course the dog (who most likely otherwise doesn't give a shit about anything but itself) will not... Seriously, something is wrong with you obsessive dog people
JazzHandsFML 28
86 I feel like my toaster is abusing me because I jumped up when the toast was done. dogs are cute and fun therefore more worthy than your life
musicninja 0
Oh wow. Well that's a life lesson we should all know.
fuzzyrat1 4
YDI for lying to your family and giving away the dog!
jgupta86 0
If its weighing that heavily on your conscience, you shouldnt be telling those kinds of whoppers.
FYL_YDI_B 0
I agree with #4
Tarak_fml 7
Lol u deserve it bitch
loveeisnott 0
sucks bitch