Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
Today, a coworker told me something I didn't realize was confidential, until later when my boss called me, saying someone may have shared something confidential with me, and me, not thinking so, said I don't think anyone did. We hung up, they called back and elaborated, and it dawned on me now they think I'm a liar. FML
Today, I told someone “You too” when they'd said “Sorry for your loss” after I'd mentioned that I recently lost my dog to cancer. I realized what I'd said immediately and tried to fix it by talking more, which somehow made it worse. FML
Today, I overheard my coworkers talking about how someone has been stealing lunches from the office fridge. Feeling guilty, I admitted that I took a sandwich yesterday, thinking it was free. Turns out, they were joking to see who’d confess. FML
Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML
Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML
Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML
Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said, "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother." FML
Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML
Today, my sister accused me of hacking into her phone because I helped her connect to a WiFi network a while ago, and she'd completely forgotten about it. I only found that out when my mom accidentally leaked it to me. FML
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Top comments
somela 0
YDI and you suck I hope your family puts you up for adoption, so you know how your dog felt
studentwoes 2
Don't you watch TV?? Of course you never confess!
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Comments (86)
MylifeasMaddy 0
Ok, Im the ORIGINAL POSTER. and my ******* god people get a LIFE! this FML is 100% FAKE! losers. and in case you havent clued in so far ALL THESE FMLS ARE FAKE! assholes
Chocolate_Chunk 2
Of course you are.
Sacrilege 0
The original poster? Then why the **** did you just waste you time typing a so-FAKE post, dumbass? Fail at it's lowest.
everest84 3
deny everthing
StephWALKER 17
absolute douche bag. What are nasty thing to do
bcbaby108 2
duh
Mrpher69 0
You ******* bitch!
IvyPalin 7
you douche bag why would you give away a dig like that asshole
deviable 9
you asshole dick muffin piece of flying donkey shit. how could you do that?? give me one good reason! if someone did that with our dog I'd never speak to them again!!
malpal8 3
You sir, are a dick. Don't give up a dog & tell the family it ran away. If it's a CHILD, you can say that but not to your whole family.
Epichearts 2
Haha the dude who posted this probably regrets posting it. Lots of angry people :) and im proud to be one GOSH GIVING AWAY A DOG
lilrocker90 10
You completely deserve it! You gave a away your dog! You terrible person!