Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Help!
Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML
Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML
Is that even legal?
Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML
Dumbo's jumbo dungo
Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML
Food flight
Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML
Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Do it again!
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled, "NINJA WAITRESS!" Everyone at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
Top comments
aback 5
"They took our jobs!"
velvel 7
I want to be waited on by a monkey!!
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Comments (201)
sasonzal 4
monkeys can hang on to a Brentch with he's foot,can u do that?
ydi_ruuc 0
I can't even understand that.What the hell is a brentch?
sasonzal 4
Brantch,u know that thing that hangs off a tree,that leaves growes upon,try being an asshole a lil harder n I'm sure you'll succsed,like u didn't knew brentch means Brantch
papadugg 0
YOU are the asshole who doesn't know how to spell "branch" so why don't you stfu.
eafd 0
Fail.
MermaidSongXOXO 6
#43 I really hope that English isn't your first language. If it is, I give up on the educational system -_- Also, even when you corrected it your spelling failed. Brentch =/= brantch Brentch= branch
issia 0
well brentch is very different from BRANCH. maybe if you learned to spell...?
FYLDeep 26
The best is how it's mysteriously capitalized.
sasonzal 4
your the grammar natzi,so suck on a aidsed up uncircumsized dick without a condom on u ****** dick ridah,your the reason people hate america,lil ****** smart ass,your mom must be very proud of how smart u r
issia 0
and your mom must be very disappointed at what a dick her little baby has become you just look stupid mispelling all the words you did and then look like a jerk for opening your mouth
FYLDeep 26
Wow, Sarah Palin has better speaking skills than this guy.
issia 0
^ no kidding lmao
MermaidSongXOXO 6
#59 So does Trig.
boopityboppity 11
So does the monkey, I'm sure.
sasonzal 4
now for real,who gives half a shit about misspeling on the Internet? nerds onley
issia 0
if that's what you tell yourself to feel better about your epic fails..... then sure
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Sasonzal, are you misspelling that badly on purpose? I can't quite wrap my head around this. You misspell so many easy words.... Longer, more complicated words are an exception but there is NO reason to misspell the words that you've been butchering.
issia 0
exactly
sasonzal 4
don't give up,my 1st languich isn't english,n the Internet is the onley place I actualy write in English so that explain my misspeling
MermaidSongXOXO 6
#72 If you can understand what we're saying, using the correct spelling, then I have my doubts you wouldn't be able to recognize your mistakes. Also, if English isn't your first language, explain this: If a non-native English speaker learns English, they learn it right. They learn correct grammar and spelling. If it were me, I wouldn't be confident enough to post something in another language unless I was sure it was written correctly. Also, you say things like "u r" which are the shortcuts Americans, Canadians, Brits, Australians, etc. and people from any other country where English is the main language would use.
sasonzal 4
I guess when speaking English I'm good cuz I learned it from my dad music and tv,when it comes to writing I suck,I'm using American shortcut that I use in sms's(learned from my dad)also im aware of my misspeling but I didn't thoght people gonna give such a big **** about it
MermaidSongXOXO 6
*sigh* I'm going to assume you're telling the truth. You should practice writing correctly in English. You're pretty much understandable, but it hurts some people's eyes to read. Also, it's the internet. Some people might let you get away with it, but there's others that are particularly picky :)
Sharpam 0
Dude! They only ******* care because that guy asked what a 'brentch' was, and you flipped out on him! It was your own damn fault, so stop complaining that they're being hard on you.
sasonzal 4
comon man it was ovious he understood what I ment,even if I wrote "breenich" he would of prabebly understand what I was talking about using a lil brain,I was taking about somthing that a monkey can hang on to using he's foot,n it some how sounds like brentch
sasonzal 4
n I didn't flipped out at hem,I told hem to try n be an asshole a lil harder cuz it was ovious he was trying
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Breenich would never be understood. Just clarifying.
sasonzal 4
"monkeys enjoy holding on to breenitches"ok Let see,it got the letters b r e n t c h, n monkeys enjoy holding in to it,could it at be...a branch?
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Breenich wouldn't be understood, I'm telling you that right now. I only understood brentch before because I said it out loud. Saying monkeys hold onto it wouldn't make it clearer. Most people would probably think it was some kind of tropical plant.
EmiRiverdancer 0
Yes. This.
Brittanysway420 0
lmao @51
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Yeah, and monkeys and chimpanzees used to be sent into space and pilot space shuttles. I guess that means astronauts should be ashamed of their jobs, too :]
Ajjas013 6
It's a pass-off. Just another way to disguise child labor. Oh wait, that's China.
omgwtffmmfl 0
and monkeys do that job with more personality and better attitude. ydi
Invioletlight 0
OP was reading cracked. I have the app it's mega funny shit!!
5upernova 3
Ah, I know what the OP is talking about. I have always wanted to go to the restaurant where monkeys work as waiters since I think it will be a pretty cool experience! (:
SCARYMUSIC 0
so.........be happy u can be like a monkey those guys rock
dman4412 0
It's such a coincidence that I watched this video on YouTube JUST the other day! :p
epictrollathon 0
Cheer up! At least if you throw poop at work you won't be destroyed!...hopefully...haven't tested this...
DramaQueen2003 0
lol!
ColdGold 6
A good waiter can really never be replaced by anything except another good waiter.