Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, on a whim, I bought my wife some flowers on my way home. She put them in a vase then asked me what stupid thing I did that I’m pre-apologising for. She refuses to believe I bought her flowers for any other reason. Man, I must be a really shitty husband. FML
Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML
Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited, until I saw they were from a friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML
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Top comments
Nykaen 0
Dude... Leave her, she is worthless. And disown your brother... No man should ever do that to family.
crazyval619 6
Dude that sucks.
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Comments (176)
cel_fml 0
this reminds me of Love Actually.
dramakat11 0
Well hopefully she gets ****** over in the divorce proceedings. FYL.
FarSide 23
So, does your brother have a wife or girlfriend (other than your wife)? Enough said.
FarSide 23
One more word of unsolicited advice: Sleep late, watch the Macy's Parade, and consider enjoying your piping hot Thanksgiving dinner, with all the trimmings, at Denny's this year.
szyth 0
that sucks man
johnpettyjohnpet 0
somebody was playing revenge big time. what did you do to piss both of them off this much? there's a Klingon prophecy in here somewhere.
futurecatlady 2
Holy shit man, I can't imagine being in that situation. Your wife clearly does not deserve you. Once you are healed of your heartache, I'm sure you will find someone better.
kennythedude 3
DUDE, that sucks so bad! First thing I would do is kick my brother's ass. Second thing I would do is have a talk with my "wife".
ericalew_xo 0
A true FML right here. I'm so sorry. Kill both of them or..Does your brother have a wife? Or does your wife have a sister? Enough said.
CyclonePsycho 1
"Wanna know how I got these... scars?"