Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
Today, I realized our life has been lacking in romance lately, so I got a card, a bunch of flowers, and made reservations at a lovely restaurant for a nice evening. When I got home and gave my wife the flowers, all she did was sigh and ask what I "fucked up this time." She also refused to go to dinner. FML
Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, on a whim, I bought my wife some flowers on my way home. She put them in a vase then asked me what stupid thing I did that I’m pre-apologising for. She refuses to believe I bought her flowers for any other reason. Man, I must be a really shitty husband. FML
Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML
Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited, until I saw they were from a friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML
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Top comments
Nykaen 0
Dude... Leave her, she is worthless. And disown your brother... No man should ever do that to family.
crazyval619 6
Dude that sucks.
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Comments (176)
smaster 0
oh man. heres what i would do. first break the bottle over her head. then cut his balls off with the sharp glass. and while theyre incapacitated, figure out some horrible things to do to them both.
movingtarget_fml 4
why not just hack her head off put it on a post and have it on your front lawn for all the bitches to see
desertrain 0
If you were cool you would have joined in.
MonaLisaIdk 21
Please shut up
Anonanimal 0
i think a divorce is imminent
bbq45 0
No sh*t. O.o
desertrain 0
Naw, there'll be lots and lots of make up sexes if he can forgive her. And his brother will forever be in debt to him, plus his left ********.
baec 2
this is why a keep a gun in my car. I would of gone postal on both their asses
MrKrypt 0
You keep a gun in your car just incase your brother sleeps with your wife?
XOfiestypixie 0
Yes, YOU may keep a gun in your car for incidents like that, but guns are illegal in the UK. You can't just go around shooting random people your wife sleeps with, even if you really want to.
FarSide 23
A knife, or tire-iron can be functionally equivalent to a firearm. Cross-bow makes a spectacular statement. And make no mistake, people do these dirty deeds every day, the world over.
jcooplsu11 0
Beat the crap out of the both of them!
desertrain 0
I'm pretty sure you're either high or mentally impaired. which are you?
FarSide 23
Revenge is often the first thought. But taking several deep breaths, and waiting 10 seconds before responding goes a long, long way. I would spend my evening seething, crying, and writing down all the possible outcome scenarios. A man who has options cannot be messed with.
wbrycem 0
What a bitch. What a bastard. What a situation.
erinlala 0
What a bitch!!
epicFAIL_Sometim 0
YDI for not calling ur boyfriend to see if you bought u anything from eBay. asstard!
wbrycem 0
Wrong FML, Einstein.
marz88 0
I do believe you are slightly confused.
saa994 0
hahahahahahah. you are more of an "assturd" because you don't even have the ability to call someone that. it's pathetic.
tyler004 0
hahahaha woww epic fail!!!!!
plexico 4
Of course, it is not welcome when you should have known that your own brother likes a beer after sex! Now, hurry on down to the pub and fetch him a pint, you limp-dick sniveling git! You might want to get your wife a Spotted Dick.
XOfiestypixie 0
=O Plexico knows British things!! Though I shouldn't be surprised, since it's Plexico. I would've been very disappointed if he was a "stereotypical" American. =)
XOfiestypixie 0
=O Plexico knows British things! Though I shouldn't be surprised, since it is plexico. I would've been very disappointed if he was a "stereotypical" American. =) (hope that's what I put before...FML ate my comment =/ ) *edit* ugh...double post...stupid FML eating my comment then showing it again...
plexico 4
Oh, feistypixie, you make my day!
XOfiestypixie 0
Haha, thanks. Glad I can be of some use. XD
lessthanbee 0
plexico, ftw. your comments are always much funnier than 95% of the fmls. perhaps you should start creating fake fmls and posting them, so we'd all have better posts to read. but op: really, fyl dude, that sux. just sever communications with both of them, they aren't even worth the energy you would spend acquiring revenge.