Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, while half asleep, I dipped my finger in ketchup instead of a fry, and bit down on it so hard I needed stitches. FML
Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML
Today, I tried to open my water bottle, which is like trying to open a pickle jar, and after several seconds, it exploded all over my desk and clothes. Then, when I was going to get paper towels and a change of clothes, I slipped on the puddle and hit my head on my desk as I came crashing down. FML
Today, I tried to open a jar by tapping the lid on the counter. I tapped it so hard, the jar shattered, and I now have more spaghetti sauce on my pyjama pants than in the pot. FML
Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML
Today, I was trying to entertain my crush at a party by showing off my juggling skills. I confidently grabbed three random objects, not realizing one was a jar of pickles. Mid-juggle, the jar slipped and shattered, splashing pickle juice all over my crush. She just stared at me in disbelief, while I stood there smelling like vinegar. FML
Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML
Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML
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Top comments
chronicB 19
That money shot
DaRito 25
Well, thanks for warning us!
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Comments (59)
kmw003 17
I just wanna know why you had to squeeze it so hard in the first place?
marshm610 18
That's not the only thing that does that when you squeeze it
Arcanel 18
How strong are you OP !? Jesus that's incredible !
RyRoz 19
I just imagined a cartoon scene when they squeeze a bottle and this happenes. You should be hired there (as if it actually exists haha)
Redmai 22
Too strong for your own good eh?
xluciferx666 21
*boston accent* were you squeezing it wicked hahd
SabrinaEpic3 15
What the....how did you even manage to do that LOL? XD
Abhinow 7
you have muscles buddy
asmb100 27
Don't worry, I once did that with charcoal lighter fluid.
worldclassrager 41
Try a glass bottle next time