Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML
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Top comments
MELKOZAR 27
Somebody has been eating too much asshole.
False_Stupidity 42
Lots of things can be the cause of bad breath (it's not always poor dental hygiene), but unless you let your hubby know, then he wont be able to do anything about it.
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Comments (52)
Badkarma4u 17
If its that bad, it could be a sign of periodontal disease. Which if caught early the. treatment is painless if caught too late can. cause excruciating and expenive complicationsn ie tooth loss, gum grafts etc. Also it doesnt smell like regular bad breath, it smells like rotting flesh and is no joke.
jew_lala 11
Sometimes it smells like trash and crap!
MrConcise 35
At first I read this as though the husband was secretly eating your kid's shit. I am really relieved.
Hyenayena 27
How... How do you .... Yknow what? I'm better off not knowing how you came to have that thought.
Jashie 18
It could be that when you close your mouth for long periods of time, your breath starts to smell. Maybe he needs to brush in the morning or have a breath mint
worldclassrager 41
Does he not brush his teeth before going to bed?
DerpAngel 8
You gotta let him know about this before someone gets hurt???
Tannasgh 22
Man needs to see a dentist
earthlyscum 19
NOTHING is worse than a bad breath kiss...makes me want to gag
MandieL 27
When my husband has bad breath and then tries to whisper to me. That's way worse for me. Unless it's like a sexy kiss, then eewww.
noonenoeone 22
You've never had nasty morning breath sex with someone? If your partner was able to overlook your morning breath because they wanted you so badly that wouldn't make you feel attractive? I bet you let your period ruin your good time too? Orgasms reduce cramping and can shorten the length of your period considerably. Life's too short to be a prude.
KwtWaffles 15
tell him to brush his teeth before bed
BlameTheOwls 14
Came here expecting judgements about you having your daughter sleep in your room. Was pleasantly surprised.
pdp_fml 21
Your husband should brush his teeth and get his teeth cleaned at his dentist.