Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MELKOZAR 27
Somebody has been eating too much asshole.
False_Stupidity 42
Lots of things can be the cause of bad breath (it's not always poor dental hygiene), but unless you let your hubby know, then he wont be able to do anything about it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (52)
MELKOZAR 27
Somebody has been eating too much asshole.
imslappy 8
he might need to get his sinus checked.
lovelockdown23 23
As his wife please tell him lol I'm pretty sure he'd rather it come from you than his boss or the employee at Starbucks lol. communication is key.
pyrexicpoet 18
Been eating a lot of assparagus huh?
bayy1432 14
wow...that's bad. Halitosis probably the most unattractive thing ever.
Daevas 18
You don't seem to realize that Halitosis is chronic, this seems to be a one time thing and would've shown sooner if it were halitosis.
Philintheblankz 14
Or, you know, just ask him to brush his teeth maybe?
StickyPickles 33
You almost have to wonder what he's been eating.... eeeewwwww
Devtyro 14
Had an Ex like that.. she brushed constantly, used mouth wash often and flossed. But come morning or before bed her breath always smelled terrible.
wantmeasandwich 26
Halitosis.
WOTAN1488 24
Does he eat your ass? Or even worse, someone else's ass lol.
tranced_ 45
put a diaper on his mouth then. .