Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Today, I got back from an 8 month deployment but rather than being pleased to see me my wife wanted to continue the same argument we were having the day I left. I miss being shot at. FML
Today, I'm a trained soldier with tours of duty under my belt, 6 foot tall with scars and tattoos, and yet I still can’t beat my brother in a fight because he cheats by tickling me until I can’t breathe or piss myself. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
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Top comments
Isa_Marie0113 17
Thank you for your service! Sorry your brother is an insensitive and ignorant butt.
BoboCracker 21
Towel-whip him
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Comments (131)
hershelLayton 13
Stupid prick. Hope someone actually beats him up to teach a lesson. This isn't call of duty. The military is meant to help, not kill
NoConfusion 7
OP, you did the right thing.
cherrymollypop 9
Thank you for your service no matter your MOS being away from home is hard especially with dipshits lol my boyfriend just left a month ago
AgentSkyeBarnes 16
Thank you for your service. Hopefully your brother learns some basic decency.
MyS3lf 24
Thank you for your service, very glad you made it home.
MattNobles 7
So what they're the enemy and therefore their lives mean nothing
Subaruwoman666 5
everyone should
pvtatha 15
Thanks for your service brother, whether they are your family, some people just dont understand.
obake_neechan 14
Thank you for your service and for smacking him.
pagefault2k 8
Thank you for your service. Sorry about your brother being a jerk.