Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I beat my old college friend at CoD and mocked him vigorously, to which he replied, “Don’t feel bad for me, I have a hot wife, a baby on the way, and a house I paid off by selling my business. How are you?” I… won a video game. FML
Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML
Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML
Today, my friend beat me at a video game. He got smug, so I made an "I fucked your mom" style joke. Yeah, kina forgot for a minute that his mom died last year. FML
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Top comments
DrDilllonReese 12
Cats are slowly replacing dogs as the new killstreak
davymac718 4
Payback is a bitch... Well in this case a pussy!
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Comments (268)
DrDilllonReese 12
Cats are slowly replacing dogs as the new killstreak
Streeet_hayley 6
Im sorry, but thats hilarious.
bones_17 5
It's "Point streak" now. Lol i had too
The_Troller 14
What about rabid attack weasels? [/PKA reference]
thisisafunnyname 12
Mario Kart is even worse, you get fireballs and turtles thrown at you while you're on shrooms. And there's a huge thing with spikes on his shell who's ******* your girl
DrDilllonReese 12
50- That huge thing with spikes on his shell is my dick. I'm from Chernobyl.
thebadmanpuntedb 7
anybody else wondering why she didn't lock the bathroom door while taking a shower?
KiddNYC1O 22
58- Not necessary. There're curtains, doors and knuckles.
rkmepm 16
im assuming the cat is orange?
doctorwhogirl 0
there is actually a new model of cat gernades, once the pin is removed little kitty shrapnel shoots out of the original cat- tis a sight to behold :)
tjv3 10
your brother has made my hero list
EvilPotato 15
66 I call Falcon.
Ihatecupcakes17 0
*new perspective achieved*
alejandratx 8
Omg that is hilarious!! You made my night(:
Neorecon19 18
I say op tosses a paintball grenade and the cat into the shower next time.
ankoku 2
Haha I'm actually kind of salt now that you can only thumbs up a post once
TobyWhiskers 0
58- not all doors have locks. ours doesn't and we can't put one in because we're renting. OP- that would really suck. just a single scratch from a cat can really hurt. I can't begin to imagine all those claws trying to grip onto you, especially with nothing there to protect it.
TheOptimist 0
58 - Most locks can be picked, especialy house locks. Mine requires the use of a semi long nail or a penny, while others need the little tube in the pen that holds the ink. And a cat seems more like a RC car. Don't seem harmful at first, but if your with it at the wrong time your likely to get angry.
angrymexican 8
You should play halo it's way better
drizzy212 4
Lol second chance
drizzy212 4
Lol second chance
Kiirst_mt1994 26
haha xD
megapeyt 17
Two words for you OP FRAG OUT!!!
makenzie1322 0
Haha yeah
davymac718 4
Payback is a bitch... Well in this case a pussy!
Skittlepickle 13
Hmm..how long did it take you to come up with that?
lolman222 0
Too long I guess
hemz_fml 13
Lol
isitinmybedroom 11
Probably not too long
kjbirch7 0
lol who cares how long.. it's funny
NeatNit 33
Not very long apparently, he's 2nd comment!
KiddNYC1O 22
Perfect example for "haterz gonna hate" right here.
callofdutystatus 0
Lol really that boy should get a life
btnhdude 0
81, I forgot all about Rocket Power, nice. When someone says 'haters gonna hate' I imagine a little kid saying, 'meanies gonna be mean.'
docscientist 10
Seeing as how he's comment #2, not long at all.
jeffersoneagle 6
Lol
TwitchingNebula 17
Absolutely terrible pun! But funny nonetheless...
cheshire2012 13
129 I imagine Dave chapelle singing "lovers gonna love"
angrymexican 8
117 look at your name before posting
angrymexican 8
I also realized that 117 is the number of master chief; I was gunna post it in the original comment but that would kill it
bell1337_fml 0
perhaps he doesn't like losing :D
BellaBelle_fml 23
What gave it away?
HideouslyHuman 10
The part where he threw a cat.*He has a slight amount of issues. *Answered to sarcastic comment=Thumb down maybe,So I will happily add this little message to let you know..I was joking!Now you can laugh about it.
kevint9911 15
No shit Sherlock
thaCODgod 4
I own everyone!
TwitchingNebula 17
Perhaps you're an idiot.
white16sox 19
170 nice high horse. Get off it.
DomainError 5
CoD is for ****-sticks like you 170
hinamori_amu 4
It's a possability
iknowimawesome 13
In my opinion, cats ARE furry grenades from hell.
alpaquette91 9
I actually laughed a lot here
EvilPotato 15
63 how come nobody remembers the ending...Cool story bro, TELL THAT AT A PARTY SOMETIME.
alpaquette91 9
Cool story bro? Thumbs down all you want but please explain first
RobboXD 5
143 it's a saying that is designed to be sarcastic and show that it is in fact not a cool story haha :D
lolman222 0
139 Bool Cory Sto
Cereal_Is_Good 5
Damn napalm strike will get ya every time.
bizarre_ftw 22
52 - I've read this FML 20+ times and have come to the conclusion that the phrase (especially in relation to a cat) "furry grenade from hell" will make you laugh No Matter WHAT!!!!! lol!! XD!! 21+X Btw, who else has an image of Crookshanks from Harry potter?
iftheglovefits 0
Naa, they just are furry grenades. Not from hell tho :)
jerico616 14
Did anyone else laugh their ass off at the words "furry grenade from hell"?? LOL!!!
chellexx 0
Hahahaha. Yes!
redsfan 4
No
silverdrake69 0
Oh man that was hella funny
sweet_blue 3
Haha yep
em1nem13 0
Yes. Yes I did
pilotdude8147 3
Oh man I can't stop laughing at this comment! OP, good choice of words dude!
thenamesmeg 7
I sure did!
techweed 12
Was the pussy hairy???
HamIsGood1234 0
No, it's a hairless cat.
ImOlivia 5
Hmm, must have missed that information in the FML.
punkin_26 16
No 6 but it was wet!!!
bravo6310 3
funny as hell but that sucks. LMAO
Decapitation 3
Not for his brother. That means he's on at least a 5 killstreak!
baybay692 6
Dude that just made my day a whole lot better... :)
xMeganMayhem 6
That's kind of a dick move.. Definitely **** your life. Ah, **** the cat's life, too.
exleonhart 0
What kind of sadist uses a cat!?
deadrising084 1
114- a raging cod player on roids
EmmyBabe_fml 0
Poor kitty!
kristinleighhh 0
Seriously, im not worried about OP, im worried about the cat!
thethatoneguy_21 4
Seriously? Poor kitty? OP just got his parts ripped to shit by that fuzzy grenade from he'll and you say poor kitty?
VeganVampyre 27
Exactly! The poor cat was most likely terrified, and also could have been seriously hurt. Cats might be flexible, but they were not made for people to throw them around like toys :/