Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
Today, I got back from an 8 month deployment but rather than being pleased to see me my wife wanted to continue the same argument we were having the day I left. I miss being shot at. FML
Today, I'm a trained soldier with tours of duty under my belt, 6 foot tall with scars and tattoos, and yet I still can’t beat my brother in a fight because he cheats by tickling me until I can’t breathe or piss myself. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
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Top comments
Isa_Marie0113 17
Thank you for your service! Sorry your brother is an insensitive and ignorant butt.
BoboCracker 21
Towel-whip him
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Comments (131)
saxaddict122 14
Your brother sounds like a racist prick I agree, but I would take that over having one that didn't support you at all...
A07 48
Not entirely relevant but sure thing
Tomryan279 10
In the word of your brother. How many towel heads did you kill?
MidnaLink 35
Shut up.
Tomryan279 10
I know my comment was wrong I just wanted to see if he would say. If he won't tell the the brother maybe he would tell a stranger
Danne696 14
He was probably confused as to why you smacked him. I mean, since you joined the army you obviously don't mind killing people and dehumanizing the enemy in the way he did is extremely common amongs armed forces.
buddy_J 16
found the missing short bus passenger
drewbare 7
Really hope you're joking
tygerarmy 35
Almost all of military minds killing, and I only say almost because with as many members as we have, just like with any large enough group of people some crazy people get in. Never dehumanized anyone. And many people in the military aren't grunts, plenty have jobs that try to save lives, on all sides.
Etweens96 25
Thank you so much for your service! It's truly appreciated! My dad is a Vietnam veteran and he understands how you feel on that situation.
capnjacksparrow 7
Sorry man. Thank you for serving, and i hope your brother learns some basic human decency.
ulissey_fml 22
What a flannel head.
MrGibbs25 20
thank you for your service
Calingaladha 21
I would have smacked him, too. Pashtuns are awesome.
anonykinetic 14
True. All the other ethnic groups there as well, let's not forget them. Afghanistan isn't homogenous.
Calingaladha 21
I don't care what ethnicity they are as long as they'll feed me qabili palau. I just can't speak any Afghani language besides Pashto to ask for more, is all.
jake131000 21
Why is everyone down voted? 99% sure I'm gonna be down voted. He probably meant it in a careless attitude kinda way. He's unemotional about it but you've seen it first hand. He was probably joking, but that's no excuse for his behavior. The problem is that you can't correct him because he seems indifferent.
JosephKorso 15
I think he "corrected" him quite well, tbh. A verbal explanation would be required now, however.
nykkilynn16 7
I was wondering the same thing.
jake131000 21
Your right, hitting him was necessary. But I don't think it taught him the right lesson. I think he was kinda joking in a sadistic way
Tdelia55555 3
Assuming he has seen combat or received contact is also insensitive. Asking about it in general... He went, he's back, just let him leave it all there. Side note. Afghan Theater is hella calm right now. If you assume he's been in combat and he hasn't he may feel bad about his service. Signed, a vet.
Algorithm 24
28, what about this is supposed to be excusable just because it'd be a hurt joke instead of hurtful words? Same result either way. Saying after the fact that something disgusting was intended to make people laugh doesn't mean shit when nobody's laughing and obviously wouldn't.
jake131000 21
He didn't intend to hurt the guys feelings. That's the difference.... Are you an idiot? Joking around and insulting someone are completely different things.
Algorithm 24
Know what "good intentions" pave? Can't give someone credit for having them when the downside to their "joke" is so obvious that there's no other place this could've gone. What, did he expect his brother was about to laugh at how many people he killed? Being careless/stupid instead of malicious isn't a feat.
gracehi 33
That's a rude question even without the slur. Killing people isn't an easy thing to talk about even in the best circumstances, because, really, it's never a good circumstance when a person has to kill another person.
jaytx123 3
I saw this video talking to veterans of any war, they spoke about what it was like to kill their first person. They barely could get 2 sentences in without crying/having to stop. Most of them thought "I just killed someone who had a family, kids probably." They had the saddest look on their faces.