Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML
Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend why my new package of condoms was open. When she failed to change the subject, she responded with, “This is why you’re a depressive crybaby who’ll die alone!” The fight ended with me proposing. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML
Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML
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Top comments
bushyyboy 11
Don't ask if you can't handle the truth there big guy?
Amama_fml 30
Don't you mean Little Guy?
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Comments (93)
Warden1986 16
Tell her, like all other guys do, "it's not the size that matters it, how you use it." Good luck...
slking1987 9
OP never said she was unhappy with the size. He seems to be the only one unhappy about it.
lasttimelawd 9
All other guys? or just you? Cause I know I have never said that. lol
kingsian 15
The truth hurts man
MNBOY16 15
Well you have to love an honest woman! At least she didn't say I have had bigger!
JanisEvans 10
Which would most likely have been the honest answer...
ErictheRed 5
That would've been rough. Not sure why the knowledge of your significant other being with someone bigger is so devastating.
smottpoker 7
because us guys want to think that they are the biggest they've ever had, it's like an ego thing
NickaPLZ 26
So short answer, "no."
zepher93 7
There is no such thing as a man 'jokingly asking if he has a big package'. It's the equivalent of a girl asking if she is fat.
danielhartlesss 13
Nobody wins when a girl asks if she's fat.
TheDrifter 24
The difference being that if a man is big, he enjoys having his ego stoked, whereas both fat and skinny women will react negatively to any answer given.
Joe9024 20
Technically she wins every time because if you say yes your an asshole and if you say no your a liar.. 34 beat me to it damn
Yousuck24 21
So you beat yourself, 34?
slking1987 9
Nobody wins when a guy asks about his package. You either tell him the truth and hurt his feelings, or you lie to him and then you both know you're lying. And if you lie about that, what else are you lying about to "spare his feelings"? Or maybe that is just a woman's logic...
AllegroRubato 16
What do you mean? the truth could be that the guy IS big, and in that case, you're certainly not gonna hurt his feelings. The difference invoked by the other commentators is that guys *believe* the girl when she passes judgement. Girls let their insecurities get the better of them more often than not (which is understandable and has a genetic and evolutionary precedent but, still, the point remains).
akiahara 14
If a guy is big, he doesn't need to ask. And she probably would've mentioned it at some point, too.
no_lungs 16
#49, woman's logic... That's an oxymoron!
drkrissy1331 12
At least she was trying to spare your feelings. Lying is never the way to go!
Attica 20
This is the male equivalent of the female question, "Does this [article of clothing] make me look fat?" It's inviting a fight to even ask. Nobody wins in these situations. Edit: looks like zepher93 beat me to it.
lasttimelawd 9
My thoughts exactly.
Werken247 14
The correct answer is; "No, that dress doesn't make you look fat. Your fat ass makes you look fat!" I suggest running like hell after you give the correct answer.
Attica 20
I have a go-to answer to that question that is both honest and won't leave you sleeping on the couch for a week: "Honey, it doesn't do you justice." Most women will accept that without being offended. There are of course some out there who would be, though, so with those women, your best bet if you don't want to lie is to create some kind of distraction and slip out the door when she's occupied.
danielhartlesss 13
Well I guess she could've said worse but you kinda brought that upon yourself.
superfly9234 3
bitch should die
CrackC 5
You asked cuz you know the truth