Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML
Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
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Top comments
chuchusheep 19
this is, hands down, the best FML i have ever read. so awesome.
randomname98 22
At least you have a built in defense system!
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Comments (138)
GoogieWithers 25
Has the OP evolved a natural defence system to harmful things in Australia? Is the baby going to have this power? Are we witnessing human evolution?
MidnightRaven963 21
I can't tell you how happy this makes me. I am six months pregnant. This morning I woke up in so much pain, with my belly just achy. I've been in pain all day. So I took a nap this afternoon. When I went to get in my car, the windows were conveniently rolled up, but I ripped a huge and nasty. Needless to say, I rolled all the windows down and almost vomited.
TonierShadow 19
That was you??? Thanks for waking the dogs.
sighlifeman 12
attractive
Theater_Chef_3 30
I mean, it was affective
Seabass_Chan 33
Pregnant Woman used Noxious Gas on Wild Prowler. It's super effective! The Foe, Wild Prowler, fled battle.
BlueHorizons 8
Seems like you have a super power OP, even its only temporary.
ReyvenNevermore 15
Honey, this is Awesome!!!
crazycly 7
Hahaha epic win!
FalloutScrolls 25
OP is engaging in biological warfare like a boss.